Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

1. Dealing with a maddeningly back and forth supervisor
2. A reader's response to a reader's posting: Being your own person.

Ask the Stress Doc Q & A/AOL.COM: Washington

Q. What can you do about management that gives conflicting instructions from week to week? One week it's don't you dare work one-second of overtime, the next its why are you working lots of extra shifts; one day-you are in charge of this intensive care unit and must never leave it unattended, the next day, here, you have this ICU and also patients on two other floors of the hospital, so you have to leave the ICU half the day! I'm a supervisor expected to convey and support this thinking to the staff, knowing that it's unsafe at best, and that we are stressing everyone out. It's one thing to work hard and be incredibly busy, quite another to know that patient care is falling apart while the institution spends millions on expansion.

A. No doubt a pattern of conflicting instructions and wavering decisions can make the recipient Stressed Out! And certainly, this can have safety repercussions. I assume you are not he only supervisor so jerked about. Any chance having a group intervention with management to address this issue? I'll assume this has been tried. Sometimes hospitals have ombudsmen to report serious operational problems. Or speaking to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Counselor may provide an ally in the confrontation process with management.

Perhaps the most critical step will be your face-to-face encounter with management and staff. Go on record -- both orally and in written documentation -- about your concerns for safety, productivity and morale in light of conflicting management instructions. Be especially forthright with management. With employees, while not going into all the detailed dirty laundry, acknowledge some important differences with management's game plan. Let your staff know you've expressed your concerns and theirs too. Reaffirm that safety is first priority and where you see obstacles. Of course, don't stand in the way if a staff member decides to meet with management.

And finally, stay professional. Don't trash talk about management. Channel your anger constructively! And if all else fails...maybe it's time for a change in position or institution! Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!

2. A reader's response to a reader's posting: Being your own person.

Until you stated your age - I thought you were my mother. She also works as a legal secretary for the toughest lawyer in LA and she is exactly as you describe yourself. Well, he also took her for granted. A couple of years ago, my dad died and my mom of course wanted to take the time off. Well, all he cared about was when she was coming back. Not wanting to make any drastic decisions, she finally went back to work for him a few months later while looking for someone else to work for. About 6 months after, she quit and went somewhere else. Well her old boss went through secretary after secretary for 2 years, never finding anyone quite like my mom. He asked her to come back. She did, but on her terms this time. So far, things have been great for her. She says he now knows how valuable she is, and doesn't take her for granted any more. She also been getting great gifts for her B-Day and X-mas. This isn't to say, that what she did is right for you, but you need to let your boss know that you are your own person. He (or she) probably hasn't even taken the time to think about you and your life and doesn't realize he's doing it. Hope this helps.

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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