Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

Part II

Q. There is a person I work with who is the most arrogant person on earth. How can I stop personalizing my interaction with this person?

A. Here a couple more illustrative strategies for dealing with a most arrogant person.

1) Sometimes imaginative imagery will suffice. I recall a former client taking a supervisor's criticism way too personally. (There definitely was unfinished family of origin stuff.) My client's hurt and rage was blinding him to several issues. First, the supervisor was actually jealous of this employee's skills and abilities. Second, the supervisor himself and top management were in denial about the seriousness of the supervisor's drinking problem. My client, with some prompting in our counseling session, came up with a short-term strategy that had him view the supervisor's screaming and demeaning behavior more objectively. He also began to feel less like a ridiculed child. In his mind, the employee, when on the workfloor, saw the supervisor in diapers, throwing temper tantrums and began laughing instead of raging inside. Once the employee mastered the rage and could take back his power, he eventually laid the groundwork for effectively confronting the division head and the supervisor with the dysfunctionality.

2) Another scenario involves tension between frequent antagonist - the female nurse and the male physician. I was leading a conflict management workshop for the beleaguered outpatient nursing staff. There had been general group grumbling, when the administrator suddenly declared, "What happens if you're just tired of accommodating these doctors; being the one who always has to bend. Then what?"

As "the expert," I definitely was on the hot seat. Fortunately, only time froze, my brain was cooking. Suddenly, scenario involved tension with a traditional partner and an all too frequent antagonist - the (predominantly) male physician. I was leading a conflict management workshop for the beleaguered outpatient nursing staff. There had been general group grumbling, when the administrator suddenly declared, "What happens if you're just tired of accommodating these doctors; being the one who always has to bend. Then what?"

As "the expert," I definitely was on the hot seat. Fortunately, only time froze, my brain was cooking. (Hmmm. Perhaps some of my detractor's are partially right. At times, maybe I do have my brain up my derriere...Then again, as I'm often on the "hot seat," that just fires up those brain cells!) I now replied, "Try telling the doctor you may not be your normal cheerful self today. And when he asks, 'Why not?,' say, 'I hurt my back.' When he inquires, in a somewhat haughty manner, 'Now how did that happen?,' in a most humble manner reply, 'I'm not sure, but I think I've been bending over backwards for too many people lately.'" The nurses roared their approval.

Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc or <A HREF="aol://4344:972.doc.1264535.556723207">The Stress Doc @ Online Psych </A>.

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