Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

Ask the Stress Doc Q & A/Digital City--Washington, DC Work Stress

1) Surviving the Promotion of an Inexperienced and Defensive Manager

Q. Due to a recent reorganization two other employees and I were assigned a new manager. He has no managerial experience, as he was the boss's secretary. Not only did he not have managerial experience but he also had no technical background. I am a programmer and was deeply involved in fulfilling my clients' requests for changes to an application when this reorganization took place. Three weeks after being my manager he introduced himself by leaving a sticky on my desk one morning. I was late and it simply said he came by to introduce himself and the time. When we met in his office the first thing he said was that I looked angry. Wearing my best neutral look, that puzzled me. I tried to convince him that I had no reason to be angry but he insisted I was. He further explained that he was now in charge of my success and that meant I should continue to work hard and not disappoint him since he had the power (that's what he meant!). No problem, as I know I am a good programmer…

A. Your question ended with the phrase, "I know I am a good programmer." I will assume your concern focuses on coping with this defensive-aggressive personality. While being "good" is a necessary factor, when "promotion of the fittest" is not the modus operandi in the organizational jungle, then competence alone will not insure nor can be sufficient for survival. Of course, this is not fair. Yet, jungle life and death rarely is. So if you didn't have some anger or anxiety about your new tribal chief, you probably should. Acknowledging this frustration first to yourself, then, perhaps to this manager will help you recognize the different functional (and dysfunctional) dynamics and their implications. Emotionally gutting this transitional reality will speed adaptation to the new roles, rules and ruler.

Let's begin by analyzing this new manager. Even before hearing of his bluster, considering his lack of knowledge and experience, his feeling vulnerable, if not threatened, was just about assured. The convincing evidence is when he ominously leaves a sticky and when he invasively reads your expression. The latter, for example, certainly suggests his unease as well as his lack of emotional integrity and communication skills. Instead of acknowledging his own feelings of anxiety and uncertainty about being an authority, or even a sense of challenge regarding his promotion, he tips his defensive and suspicious hand by confronting your displeasure with him and his position. And then this callow manager compounds his error by playing the power card in such a dysfunctional, parent-childish manner: don't you disappoint him with a not so veiled threat dripping from his lips. What a bozo!

If only such a manager could admit having much to learn; that he looks forward to working together to enhance his learning curve. And how wonderfully surprising if he stated that your mutual mission is to support one another's goals, accomplishments and growth in the organization. And finally, a main purpose of his authority position is to share needed information from higher management levels to help you better understand where your work fits into the larger organizational picture. Now these objectives comprise a formula for a highly motivated, productive and genuinely collaborative manager-employee relationship; a relationship not fueled by power and ego. Dream on Stress Doc! Alas, some real survival strategies in this new managerial context:

1. The Control Factor. In this case, there's a pretty straightforward connection between being insecure and a rigid need for control. So keep this person well informed of your progress projects. As much as possible, eliminate surprises. Let him think his approval is important to you. Keep him apprised of your whereabouts. While work may feel like third grade for awhile, hopefully this leash will loosen if Mr. Micro becomes less defensive.

2. CYA: Cover Your Alliances. Because this manager doesn't have the technical background on your work projects, make sure you get backing and review from other respected authorities in the organization. The key, of course, is to try not to threaten unduly your manager. Sort of like the family dance involving a boy's relationship with a favorite uncle and with his father. Jealously often hovers in the air.

Still you need to build alliances when you have a volatile, unpredictable joker for a manager. (I'm thinking of a friend who was recently fired from an IT company. Her manager could not tolerate bright and assertive female employees. It was vital having other company references for her subsequent job interviews.)

3. Disarm Your Antagonist. Clearly, feeding this guy's power and ego is necessary. However, sometimes strategy can replace puffery. I recall the rage and indignation of my father's friend Murray, a Type A New Yorker and aggressive and successful salesman. The long-time president just before retiring, had appointed his young, abrasive son-in-law as head of the company. Murray was going bonkers when "this jerk half my age" was ordering him about. To shorten this tale, Murray initially resisted my "glass is half empty and half full" communication strategy. But his building frustration with this guy's ego and aggression (they were kindred spirits), finally compelled Murray. He stated to his antagonist, "You know, I'm not crazy about the old man retiring. And I'm not crazy about all your management ways…But I must admit you're keeping me sharp." And this was the magic touch. The young, raw president, having his ego reluctantly stroked by a more experienced senior, calmed him. He now could admit needing Murray's expertise. He had the other salesman report to this grizzled salesman turned elder statesman. And Murray was asked to become involved in strategic long-range planning.

4. Fail-Safe. Reality doesn't always have happy endings. If your manager's dysfunctionality basically doesn't change in the next few months and he still has the unquestioned support of upper management, I'd consider a lateral transfer. Actually, I'd be upgrading my resume. This guy will not promote your career in the company, as he likely perceives it at his expense. Just remember…Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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