The Stress Doc shares a powerful letter from a friend on the crucial importance of not closing our minds and hearts to the presence of HIV/AIDS. Past losses and present statistics make both vigilance and optimism passwords for the future.
Everyone Wants To Die,
Until They Find Out They're Going To
In Honor of AIDS Compassion Day/Week
Dear Mark,
Boy, I was not expecting to hear that you went through a break up...Now that you are a free wolf on the prowl, please allow me to share with you what I retained after watching the Jenny Jones Show and Montel. Think of this not as a lecture or a sermon. For I am a mere struggling actress living in LA in the 90's. Think of this as your Gee, I bet sex was more fun in the 60's guide to dating in the millennium.
You do know that today, June 19, is AIDS Compassion Day/Weekend. Because of this, most of the talk shows and organizations around the country made pledges to help make people aware of AIDS. So, most of the talk shows were about people living with HIV and AIDS. Notice I said Living with AIDS not Dying of AIDS. It's about time talk shows did something to help people, instead of making money from humiliating them. I had to throw that zinger in, excuse me. OK, I'm all better now, I'm getting back to The Truman, I mean the talk shows....
All of the guests on the panel have been living with this disease for 4, 5 and 6 years, and all looked great. One woman who has been HIV positive for 6 years hasn't been sick one day since her diagnosis. She said that she still wouldn't know it now, if she had not been tested. Boy, she looks healthier than I am! In fact, there is no such thing as an AIDS look anymore. There used to be, in the beginning. Very skinny, bugged-out eyes, paste-y, weak, and coughing till they barf. Now, it's just cigarette smokers that fit this description. LOL.
You know that I love you as a friend, and this is the reason that I am compelled to share with you what I learned today. I'll tell you now, I may be making mistakes because I'm forgetful and very emotional about this subject. Actually, I realized that if I ever came down with Alzheimer's it probably wouldn't throw me off too much from the way I am now. LOL. Anyway, you know that I have lost 4 of my closest friends from AIDS, including my Priest, Father Bob. So, forgive me if I'm not completely accurate. If you want to check these facts go to the Jenny Jones website <A HREF="http://www.jennyjones.com/wb.cgi?MIval=jennyj_show">Jenny Jones</A> where she is sharing all of this information. You can also learn some nifty beauty and makeover tricks.
After everything that I have heard today, all I can say to you my friend, and to myself, and to anyone who hears me, is this: Please, pease, never have unprotected sex with anyone. One of the leading doctors that treats AIDS patients said,very matter-of-fact: Assume everyone is HIV positive.
AIDS is down by 6 percent from last year, but that's because of the drug concoction called cocktail that's making the virus undetectable in some people. It doesn't mean that the virus is gone, or can't be transmitted. It simply means that we don't have testing that's advanced enough to identify it at that level. But I'm as sure as the rain that we will soon.
Actually, HIV is up in skyrocketing numbers. 85% of AIDS is from plain, ordinary, unprotected, heterosexual sex. This shocked the hell out of me. The only group that it's down in is gays. It's the number 6 leading killer of kids between 13 and 24, and kids still don't think that they can get it (but they don't think they can die from smoking either!). It's skyrocketing in heterosexual women. The same doctor said, Every 10 seconds, a woman is being infected with HIV. Right now, 1 in a thousand woman are positive. And out of every 10 women only 1 woman knows what her own HIV status is. By the year 2000, 30 to 40 million people will be infected.
I saw this on Jenny Jones and on Montel. Montel made the audience give President Clinton a hand, because he is our first President to give a major amount of money for research for a cure.
Too bad we had an old, in-denial Republican (for 8 years!) who thought he was in a mini-series during his terms as our president. Even worse was Bush... He reminds me of the guy who approves your check at the super-market. And, of course, his pretty boy Quayle, who sat on his knee like a dummy. He was more worried about spelling bees and ripping down Murphy Brown, than in saving lives. They are the main reason that AIDS got this out of control in the first place. (I know I am showing anger here. I never said that I have learned all of my life lessons yet.) Those guys should have gone on Jenny and Montel. Jenny or Montel could have them de-programmed (like a cult member), and brought them out of their denial. We would all be in denial, if not for them! And Reagan would be in prison. LOL.
Please don't think that I'm accusing you of being out to sleep with everyone, because I'm not. It's just that all of this new information has really blown my mind. I had convinced myself that it was mostly gays, and drug-users. Not that I cared any less - I'm always walking in the AIDS walk! - but I didn't realize how much at risk we all are. I didn't realize until today that straight women (as a group) are more at-risk than gay men (as a group). Gay people are mostly out of their denial, so they are more careful now. I guess the Bible-pumping-pushers that claimed, God is getting rid of gays with AIDS, are going to have to tell us why He has turned on us good, decent heterosexuals and children now.
I just didn't realize how rapidly AIDS was still being spread, and how many different groups and ranges of people it was striking; in other words, all of us. All I know is that HIV is something that I don't want to deal with in this life time. And having no insurance, I'd have to just lay down & die. (Having an HMO is the same as having no insurance, except you still have to pay for it!). The word abstinence is sounding better and better to me.
The professionals were saying that cocktail wasn't even helping the majority of woman or children. Just men. They're doing more studies now, because women are getting infected so rapidly. I guess this is like a catch 22. Is it good news or bad?
And who came up with this name cocktail, anyway? I could almost understand immune system cocktail, or anti-HIV cocktail, or something like that. But just cocktail? Ever heard of using an adjective? Or is this just some sick, smug reference to something sexual? How about something like immune system booster, aka ISB? Isn't that a lot more meaningful and a lot less insulting?
They also explained how awful it is taking the cocktail formula. Many people just refuse to take it. It's very toxic, a person has to take up to 30 pills a day. Some on an empty stomach, and some on a full stomach. I know when I have to take medicine, I usually ignore these warnings, but they said you had to follow it exactly, or you could die. Plus, you have to take these pills at certain hours of the day, like at 2:00 AM and 8:00 AM, and into the night. So, you never get enough restful sleep. The experts also added that it's the kind of thing that is a life-long commitment; you can't try it for a few weeks and then quit or you become very ill, which could be fatal. I guess this is for the lucky ones, who are in studies that cover this expensive treatment, or for people who can afford to be covered by Blue Cross.
Still, even with all of these many scary and sad statistics, what I saw today left me with a certain peace. You know I gave up on the man upstairs theory about God when all of my friends died within a few years. I still suffer over my friends' untimely deaths, even though I'm sure they are now on to much better things. I miss them so badly that I beg them to come visit me as ghosts and haunt me. I would appreciate even that from my dear friends.
But what I saw on the show today were beautiful, healthy, loving faces, that are so happy about being alive. I made a comment to you once before, that you said you really liked, which was Everyone wants to die, until they find out they're going to. I never saw this quote of mine lived out as much as I did today.
There was a lady who, since her diagnosis, has finished medical school and is about to do her internship.
There was a lady that gave birth to a healthy beautiful baby, even though she was positive during her pregnancy.
And there was a lady that put a personal ad in the paper, seeking a man, and was brave enough to reveal that she is HIV positive. The caption read Positively Beautiful. She said that 17 men replied, and not one of them claimed to be positive. She is dating one of those men now.
The one that touched me the most was this young boy, who was born with the HIV strain. By the time they diagnosed him, he had full-blown AIDS. He was 4 at that time. Now (I think) he is about 15 and doing well. He has friends. The part that really gave me hope for our country and for our people, as a whole, was when he said something to the effect of, When I tell new people that I have AIDS, they don't mind. They are still my friends." He also said that this is the most important thing you can do for someone you know is HIV positive: Stay his friend.
Let's face it, within a few short years we are all going to be touched by AIDS in one way or another. We will either contract it ourselves, or know a loved one who has. Before it's over, we are all going to cry over someone who gets infected, and that's a fact of our lives. Get educated about it, get your fears out of your way, and be the friend that you may one day need yourself.
There is no more stigma, no more shame, no more denial. Just people needing to learn how to love one another through everything. Maybe one day soon we won't need AIDS to teach us this lesson. We can just buy a recording of People by Barbra Streisand and we will all be a perfect, united ray of light for good.
Your Friend, Florabelle
And a special thanks to: Father Bob, Allen, Charles, and Jerry. I think of them on this AIDS Compassion Week 1998.