Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

1) Dealing with an Exploitative/Lame Duck Manager
2) When a Doctor/Boss Can't Heal Thyself...Intervene

Q. My son is a supervisor at a big video game company. Seven months ago his manager said that he was moving so he would be leaving as soon as he found a new job closer to the house he bought in another county. He then proceeded to dump a lot of his responsibilities on my son, who was considered the natural successor to his position, and then couldn't get hired anywhere else. It is now seven months later, he has taken back NONE of the jobs my son had added to his load, and my son has had his stress level increased to the Losing It stage. I asked him why the manager is not responding to his distress and basically it's because he isn't accountable to anyone higher and because he could care less about taking back those responsibilities, since he plans on bailing the minute he finds another job. There appears to be no one higher my son can talk to...this is a huge corporation and the managers are virtually on their own. He has talked to his manager but nothing has changed. What would you suggest?

A. Sounds like this guy is giving new meaning to "lean-and-MEAN" management: he both exploitatively lean's on your son and is a mean s.o.b. I'll assume that Human Resources is not a functional; alternative. Also, if the comapny has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP--free short-term counseling) this might be a place where your son could vent and regain some control over his stress levels. Also, a kick boxing class at the local "Y" might provide some physical and symbolic relief. Seriously, regular aerobic exercise is a good stress moderator.

But the boss has to be confronted. Perhaps the company's disorganized and disconnected management structure, your son: 1. prioritize his and the boss' projects into three categories: a) critical, b) important and c) when time permits, 2. present the priority list with objectives and timelines that are achievable, 3. get feedback from his manager; remind the manager if his old work gets the higher priority some of your son's work will be prioritized accordingly, and 4. spell out the consequences if the various priority arrangments are or are not met. If your son can not weather this transitional tempest, he may have to jump ship before the rat does.

Q. Here Is a work related problem not too many people have. The Doctor I work for cannot handle his money. We have it so that the office manager has to sign every check that the business pays and "I'm his nurse" have to sign and pay all his personal bills. But he still gets a check from a surgery center and his wife works. So with all his bills paid he is still running into financial problems all the time. He never sees his paycheck from the office. It goes directly into an account with both our names on it. We have a hard time getting him to work the hours he should to increase business revenue. He is a poor employee but since he is the boss and our only Doctor we can't fire him...lol. The office manager and I stress ALL the time trying to pay everything but he won't cooperate by spending more hours at work. He will even lie and tell us he is in surgery when we have caught him at home. Being the kind of people we are we worry much more the he and they are not our personal bills.

A. When I hear about an individual -- employee or boss -- being that irresponsible and dysfunctional I have to suspect some emotionaland/or medical condition. Frankly, i wonder if this doctor is covering up major burnout, depression or, perhaps, a drinking or drug problem. Having your livelihood dependent on his medical practice seems a rather risky scenario. Also, by signing and covering for him instead of helping, in the long run, you are ennabling his escapist behavior and dysfunction. I also wonder why his wife is tolerating his behavior. If you have a relationship with his wife, perhaps suggest she consult with a therapist trained in depression/substance abuse counseling. This professional would help you all engage in an "intervention" with your boss. An intervention gathers significant people in the life of the dysfunctional/abusing individual. You affirm your caring and concern while firmly sharing how much the problematic behavior is disruptive for your life as well as destructive to the individual. Hopefully, he will consider a consult to get help with his abuse and likely need for inpatient detox and counseling.

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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