Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

Ask the Stress Doc Q & A/Digital City--Washington, DC Work Stress

1) When Work and Family Pressures Collide

Q. So how would I know if I'm stressed? Would it be more and more work requirements are demanded of me? Would it be that hubby works under me and it can be difficult to get him to do what has been asked of him? Would it be that son staying with us "for only three months" has been here a year now? I am a manager of apts. and maybe, just maybe, I'm sick and tired of all the pressure and hassles? So how do I know if I'm just tired, depressed or stressed or just need a vacation.

A. Somehow I suspect you are multitalented. With pressures from work, husband and son, especially when ongoing, I wouldn't be surprised if you have the capacity for all -- exhausted, stressed, depressed and need a vacation. Also sounds like there may be a connection between increasing work demands and lack of cooperation from hubby. Is he resisting your passing along some of those demands to him? Issues of autonomy, authority and control are tough enough in a marriage. Sometimes it's too much when the couple also play out such power issues in the same work setting.

Then I wonder what your husband thinks about your son's extended stay. Are the two of you on the same page? My first suggestion is some couple counseling. The two of you may need to clear the air with an objective third party. Either you'll work out some current issues (and lingering frustrations) or you may decide the same work place isn't big enough for the two of you. Maybe he needs to update his resume.

I'm also suggesting counseling because some family therapy might be in order. Why has your son returned and hunkered down into the nest? Is he going for schooling or training which necessitates him being a dependent? Or, does he have any emotional or maturational issues to confront in order to be launched again? You and hubby get united regarding your conflicts will make it easier to apply some caring tough love toward your son's emancipation. And if your depression isn't biochemical or hormonal (though prolonged stress can induce biochemical changes; then an evaluation from a psychiatrist is advised) then by all means take your vacation -- you've earned it! And of course...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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