Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

1. Insuffient Staff To Get Required Work Done
2. Soo Stressed and Only 18

Q. I'm a Security Manager, who does not have enough staff to get the help I need with my work. My manager will not allow me to hire 2 more security officers. So I have to try to manage to patrol the floor and plus do my daily Test and Checks. I have assigned my staff different Test and Checks to do. But I need them on the floor. I have a staff of four. My manager will not give me any type of support. But he expects me to do a thousand things at one time. He also gets more mood swings then a pregnant woman. What should I do? I feel my job is in jeopardy, I'm stressed.

A. You pose a tough question. Have you tried presenting a list of tasks to your manager and asked for help in setting priorities? I'll presume his answer would be, "I expect you to do it all." I would say, "Here are my priorities; these tasks get covered first. All will get done by such and such timeline." Of course, there's a risk. This excitable manager could threaten to reprimand or fire you. Still, status quo leads to third stage burnout -- "Cynicism and Helplessness."

While I'm not crazy about your mood analogy, perhaps this provides a lead. Can you speak to top management and push for a three-way meeting? Or how about approaching Human Resources or an Employee Assistance counselor about his inappropriate managerial expectations and volatile mood?

I would also talk to your team members. While you don't want to trash your manager, I would acknowledge some of the differences between you and your manager. If you and your work team get on the same page, and are willing to be courageous, then I'd invite the manager to your staff meeting. There may be strength in numbers. Sometimes when a group both emphasizes how they want to meet the manager's goals and constructively confronts the self-defeating impact of his behavior you may break through the person's denial state. Still, I can't be too optimistic. If you like the company, can you transfer to another department? If not, hit the career trail. Good luck.

Q. Hi, I'm soo stressed and I'm only 18. I don't know where to start so I will start w/ my job. It is boring, I hate it. I want to do other jobs but don't have a clue where to start. I'm low on money and have a lot of bills. I cannot get a loan to consolidate due to I'm only a temp at my job. I have no benefits. My girlfriend told me she has been cheating the whole time we WERE together. I want to be someone, and I'm scared. I'm looking towards the armed forces as a way out but I'm afraid of that too. I really don't want to go but I feel like I have no choice.... Please give advice if you can.

A. Sounds like a lot of tough issues and choices are hitting all at once. Being scared because of being clueless about direction I see as a plus overall. Even finding out that your girlfriend has not been faithful can be a positive. Sure it hurts and stirs up rage, betrayal, jealousy. But it also says it's time to let go; there's one less tie keeping you stuck in place. Sometimes anxiety and frustration drives us to explore and reach out. They are signs that we still have fight in us; we aren't so cool, detached, cynical or apathetic. So reach out from uncertainty. Talk to a trusted relative, a spiritual advisor. Good that you emailed me. Call your local United Way Family Counseling Agency or Catholic Charities. Let a professional counselor help you better understand your fears and options. Frankly, the armed forces sound like a pretty wise choice for getting some structure and training, giving you time for grieving your ex and setting you on a new direction. To good adventures. Go for it!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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