The Stress Doc Letter
Cybernotes from the Online Psychohumorist ™
NOV 2004, Sec.
I
Fight when you can
Take flight when you must
Flow like a dream
In the
Phoenix
we trust!
Table of Contents
Section I
Shrink Rap I:
Practice Safe Stress for the Holidays
Shrink Rap II: Don't "Just Say No": The Art of "N & N"
Readers: Investment Terminology and Playing It Safe
Section II
Main Article: Readers' Post-Election Reflections
Heads Up: Churchill Hotel, Estrin Legal Education, Montgomery
County, MD Dept. of Housing
Offerings: Training Kit, Books, CD and AOL Chat
Shrink Rap I:
With the holidays upon us, I'll dust off my holiday classic. Enjoy! And best
wishes.
Practice Safe Stress for
the Holidays:
The 4 "F"s of Holiday Friction
While
many associate the holidays with Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and
its theme of gaining and sharing the holiday spirit, the opening lines from A
Tale of Two Cities may have even more relevance:
It was the best of times, it was the worst of time
It was the season of light, it was the season of darkness...
It was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.
Like Dickens, I too have tried to capture the complexity of the holidays; if not
through a great novel, then with my one classic holiday joke. I realized with
all this talk of pressure during the holidays, I needed to distinguish between
"Holiday Blues" and "Holiday Stress." Now holiday blues is the feeling
of loss or sadness that you have over the holidays when, for whatever reason,
you can't be with those people who have been or are special and significant.
And holiday stress...is when you have to be with some of
those people!
Now here's some lighthearted, seasonal verse I wrote years ago for my radio
feature, "Stress Brake." It's called "Cruisin for a Bluesin":
The holidays may bring you down
And you just sing the blues.
To turn those soured tones around
Just play these "don'ts" and "dos."
When you're cruisin on the town
Don't charge away the blues.
If you card the credit crown
Your spouse may blow a fuse.
For fussy dad the streets you'll pound
To find the perfect muse.
He might as well be tied...and bound
He'll never change his views.
If you're alone, don't be house bound
Or cuddle up to booze.
Go ahead. Drown a frown with tears
And folks who can amuse.
Why not try that choral sound
Spread some joyous news.
For when the voices do resound
Then notes you can abuse.
This year don't play the tragic clown
Be bold in how you choose.
You too can prance above the ground
Put on those dancing shoes.
So now we've come full circle round
More lines I must refuse.
Just know when love and friends abound
The blues have many hues.
(c) Shrink Rap Productions 1997
Despite this good advice, we know that when you are with some of those
people (or if they are just in your head), real sparks can fly. Here are
"The Four 'F's of
Holiday
Friction: Fantasies, Family, Food and Finances."
1. Fantasies.
First, the
idyllic image of the holidays portrayed by the media seems so out of touch with
reality, it's enough to make you overload on eggnog (with or without the
alcohol).
Another pressure is the internalized memories we carry around. I recall my
friend Linda, a single parent at the time, berating herself because she couldn't
keep up with the holidays - the cooking, the shopping, the house decorations,
etc. - the way her mother had. Of course, Linda's mom did not work outside the
home. I also recall Linda observing that, as a successful professional, she now
has the money but lacks the time for the season. Previously, when she wasn't
working, she had plenty of time and no money: The "Holiday Catch-22."
And, finally, this season turns most of us into sentimental jelly fish, just
waiting to get entangled in the arms of that "true love." Hey, I'm not saying
that Mr. or Ms. Holiday Hopeful is as possible or as real as Santa Claus. (My
motto: "I no longer count on nor discount any possibility.") Just don't let
childhood longings and memories and voices transform you into a frantic,
salivating, love-crazed inner child.
The key to managing this friction: gently embrace, don't cling, to magical
memories. Discover a blend of magical realism that helps you balance love, work
and play in the present.
2. Family. There are so many permutations in families these days, it's got
to get a bit confusing. For separated families, a poignant question: which
parent (or grandparents) will we be with for Thanksgiving, for Christmas, for
New Years? I vividly remember an eight year old's lament: "Why can't we just
be one family again?"
Another common family issue is when a holiday gathering turns into a competitive
arena for sibling rivalry, along with a desire for long-standing recognition and
approval. And if you find in these family therapy sessions, I mean holiday
reunions, that you can't resist trying to change the attitude and behavior of
the parent (sibling or child) that "makes you crazy," patterns which have
resisted influence attempts for decades...maybe there's only one solution. Have
you thought about getting far out of town for the holidays?
3. Food. The holidays turn most of us into bingeaholics. Running
helter skelter, not stopping for lunch, overdosing on the cookies and chocolate
that a colleague has brought to work. And discipline at a party is a
contradiction in terms. This caloric chaos is not surprising considering the
biggest role model of the holidays looks like he hasn't met a single gram of fat
in two hundred years that he doesn't love. Hey, Santa Claus hasn't been doing
his aerobic workouts either. But wait...Appoint a designated nagger, who will
gently remind you when you are overdoing it. Don't chat hovering around the
buffet table. Take reasonable portions and move away. Now replace food with
some food for thought.
And face it, no matter what you do, or don't do, you are likely to add some
pounds on the holidays. So go to the malls and walk briskly for thirty minutes
before you start the shopping splurge. You'll spend less and, probably, will
eat less as well.
4. Finances. The holidays heighten our monetary consciousness -- from the
end of the year financial and psychological accounting (did we meet our
financial/family security and career goals?) to the never-ending list of holiday
gifts. And as the great Russian novelist, Doestoyevsky, noted: "Consciousness
is depression!"
For the first issue, seek a budget counselor, a CPA, a career counselor or even
a mental health specialist. For the last, "just say no" to your child's "toy
lust." Give your child choices; explain why there are limits. Try this holiday
mantra: "Presence not just presents." This season, invest time, not just
money.
For big families, be creative. Divide up the gift list with other relatives.
You shouldn't have to buy something for everyone. Making a gift definitely adds
a personal touch. And, finally, don't overlook a very important person. Get a
special gift for yourself.
So the holidays may be a stressful time; a time of feelings of loss and
sadness. But with a little higher power humor it also, can be a source of
creative expression and sharing. Here's my gift to you:
Double-Edged Depression
Waves of sadness
Raging river of fear
Whirlpooling madness
Till I disappear
Into the depths of primal pain
Then again...no pain, no gain.
Depression, depression
Is it chemistry or confession?
Depression, depression
Dark side of perfection!
Climbing icy spires
Dancing at the ledge
The phoenix only rises
On the jagged edge
In a world of highs and lows
Hey, the cosmos ebbs and flows.
Depression, depression
It's electrifried obsession
High flying depression
Exalted regression?
So I'm pumping iron
And Prozac, too
What else can
A real man do
In a life of muted dreams
How about a primal SCREAM?
Depression, depression
Even inner child rejection
Depression, depression
Hallelujah for creative expression!
(c)
Mark Gorkin 1994
Shrink Rap Productions
Just remember, for the holidays and beyond...Practice Safe Stress!
Shrink Rap II:
Michael Smith, President of TeraTech (michael@teratech.com),
sponsor of the National Cold Fusion Conference (for which I've been a speaker)
asked me to write a 100 word column for an e-newsletter. The request evoked
memories of writing short "Stress Brake" essays for drive-time radio in N'Awlins.
Who says you can't go home again...at least if it's way down yonder.
Don't "Just Say No": The Art of "N & N"
We all know the importance of "R & R" as a survival skill - "Rest and
Recreation." I think "N & N" is just as important: the ability to say "No" and
to "Negotiate." If saying "No" is a challenge, try these steps:
1. Empathize. Show you understand the importance of the other person's
request: "I know there is a cutoff date on this contract."
2. Be Concise. Briefly explain your "No." Don't over talk as you appear
ambivalent or defensive. If necessary, patiently repeat your message.
Remember, people don't like to hear "No."
3. Make An Offer. After asserting what you can't do, affirm what you can
do or can provide. By using these three positive steps you can say "No" without
being negative.
Remember, "A firm 'No" a day keeps the ulcers away and the hostilities too."
Words to also help you…Practice Safe Stress!
Readers:
Subj: Investment
Terminology
From: MDodick
Here are some new investment terminology guidelines
for troubled times.
_____________________________
CEO: chief embezzlement officer.
CFO: corporate fraud officer.
NAV: normal
Anderson
valuation.
P/E: parole entitlement.
EPS: eventual prison sentence.
BULL MARKET: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for
a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET: A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance and the wife
gets no jewelry
MOMENTUM INVESTING: The fine art of buying high and selling low.
VALUE INVESTING: The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO: The percentage of investors wetting their pants
as the prices fall.
BROKER: What my broker has made me.
"BUY, BUY": A flight attendant making market recommendations
as you step off the plane.
STANDARD & POOR: Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between
themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER: A guy who actually remembers his
wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes.
MARKET CORRECTION: The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW: The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
WINDOWS 2000: What you jump out of when you're the sucker that
bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
YAHOO: What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
NSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse
PROFIT: Religious guy who talks to God
SUBJ: Playing It Safe
From: MDodick
An
Aussie who watched Mel Gibson's movie "The Passion" is inspired to take his wife
and her mother to Israel to see the places where Jesus lived and died. On
vacation his mother-in-law dies. An undertaker in Tel Aviv explains that they
can ship the body home to Sydney at a cost of $10,000 or the mother-in-law could
be buried in Israel for US$500.
The man says, "We'll ship her home."
The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do
a very nice burial here."
The man says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later
he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Mark Gorkin, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, is a keynote and
international/Celebrity Cruise Lines motivational speaker, psychotherapist,
syndicated writer, and author of his new book, Practice Safe Stress: Healing
and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression and The Four
Faces of Anger: Transforming Anger, Conflict and Rage Into Inspiring Attitude
and Behavior. He was the keynote speaker for the Society of Human Resource
Management (SHRM)--Maryland state chapters at their 2004 Leadership Conference.
The Doc, AOL's "Online Psychohumorist," is a training and OD Consultant for
numerous companies, associations and government agencies. Interviewed by the
BBC and Biography magazine, Mark has a multi-award-winning,
USA Today
Online "HotSite"
--
www.stressdoc.com . The site was selected as workplace resource in a
National Public Radio feature on "Bad Bosses." For more info, email
stressdoc@aol.com or call 202-232-8662.
(c) Mark Gorkin 2004
Shrink Rap Productions
Heads Up:
OCT/NOV Programs
1. Churchill Hotel. One hour Stress and Team Building program for sales
staff
2. Estrin Paralegal Conference. One hour featured speaker; Stress and
Team
Building
program; Atlanta; Stress and Time management Programs for Alston Bird, Atlanta.
3.
Montgomery
County Dept. of Housing.
One hour Managing Anger and Difficult People program
Offerings:
1. Training/Marketing Kit:
Want to strengthen your ability to lead or market a stress workshop or any kind
of speaking/training program? Consider the Stress Doc Training/Marketing Kit,
which includes both "how to" manual, 20-minute highlights video, and articles,
as well as the opportunity for phone coaching. For more info:
Training/Marketing Kit http://stressdoc.com/kitbook.htm or email.
2. Practice Safe Stress CD
This 30-minute audio CD is divided into four sections:
Section I: The Four Stages of Burnout
1. Physical, Mental & Emotional Exhaustion
2. Shame & Doubt
3. Cynicism & Callousness
4. Failure, Helplessness & Crisis
Section II: Three Steps to Burnout Recovery
(based on the Stress Doc's own rehab from burnout)
1. Good Grief
2. Four "R"s of Rehabilitation & Rejuvenation
a) Four "R"s -- Running, Reading, Writing and Retreating
3. Transition & Diversification
a) letting go and shaking up your work-life puzzle and paradigm
Section III: Two Burnout Prevention Strategies
A. Natural SPEED
a) Sleep, Priorities, Empathy, Exercise & Diet
B. Four "C"s of Psychological Hardiness -- based on research with former AT&T
execs
a) Commitment, Control, Change & Conditioning
Section IV: Two Shrink Raps (TM)
A. Stress Doc's Stress Rap
B. Double-edged Depression
Price: $15
3. Stress Doc Books:
a) Really Hot: The Paperback Version of Practice Safe Stress:
Practicing Safe Stress: Healing and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout,
& Depression; Stress Doc Enterprises
Published: 2004; Pages: 372
Price: $20 + $4.95 priority shipping in US; $3.95 in Metro, DC area; $7 in
Mexico and Canada; other international destinations to be determined
Or, download: The Stress Doc's Store Front:
www.stressdoc.com
Ebook
Price: $15
Practice Safe Stress tackles the "Toxic-Traumatic Trio" -- stress, burnout, and
depression. Learn practical and playful, inspiring and insightful strategies
for transforming these toxins into life-affirming energy, creative focus, and
goal-achievement. Bringing a personal, professional, and organizational
perspective, the book is alive with imaginative language and memorable "how to"
ideas for:
§ Understanding the "Four Stages of Burnout," the "Erosive Spiral"
§ Rebuilding your fire and developing "Natural SPEED"
§ Achieving liberation through "Emancipation Procrastination"
§ Reducing conflict as a healing or motivational "psychohumorist" ™
There are satirical essays on "lean-and-MEAN" managers and on mismanaged
downsizings. Learn to "laugh in the face of layoffs" and ponder the possibility
of "Van Gogh, Prozac, and Creativity." The Stress Doc also shares his his own
trials, errors, and triumphs in battling the "Toxic Trio."
Safe Stress provides many discrete "Top Ten" lists and "strategic tips" essays
useful as educational/informational handouts. To quote the Internet Newsroom:
Your Guide to the World of Electronic Factgathering: "The most outstanding
feature…is his 'psychohumor' essays. Always witty, thought-provoking, and
helpful." With this easy-to-follow, fast-paced, and fun health and wellness
guide, you'll return often to Practice Safe Stress.
b) The Four Faces of Anger: Model and Method
Transforming Anger, Rage and Conflict Into Inspiring Attitude and Behavior
The "Four Faces of Anger" presents an elegantly simple yet intellectually
powerful model that will challenge your beliefs about anger -- both regarding
its range of emotion and its potential for positive communication. The book is
a dynamic blend of popular psychohumor articles, essays, case examples and short
vignettes, as well as Stress Doc Q & As and even "Shrink Rap" ™ lyrics. You
will gain ideas and tools, skills and techniques for personal control, playful
intervention and conflict mastery. Learn to:
Ø Identify self-defeating styles of anger and violence-prone personalities
Ø Transform hostility and rage into assertion and passion
Ø Confront directly or disarm outrageously critics and (passive) aggressors
Ø Bust the guilt not burst a gut
Ø Prevent emails from becoming e-missiles
And finally, his years as a multimedia psychotherapist and as a Stress and
Violence Prevention Consultant for the US Postal Service yield a survival and
spiritual mantra at the heart of the "Four Faces of Anger":
Seek the higher power of Stress Doc humor…May the Farce Be With You!
Published: 2004; Pages: 114
Paperback: $23.95 (includes shipping and handling)
E-Book: $15
c) Paper Book -- Truly on the Cutting Edge
From Stress Brakes and Shrink Rap to Safe Stress and Cool Moon Cats:
The Wit and Wisdom of the Stress Doc, Stress Doc Enterprises, 1995
A 90 page compilation of my former syndicated radio essays, pioneering songs in
the field of psychologically humorous rap music -- "Shrink Rap" Productions - a
creative visualization poem and other humorous lyrics/poems. "Stress Brake"
radio essays are short (300 words), fast-paced and witty, covering such topics
as stress, burnout, anger and conflict resolution, time management, creativity,
men's and women's issues, romantic relationships, codependency, etc. (They make
excellent fillers for newsletters.)
Price: $20 (which covers priority postage and handling)
To purchase books and/or tape, make check payable to: Mark Gorkin
Send check to:
Mark Gorkin
Stress Doc Enterprises
1616 18th Street, NW #312
Washington,
DC 20009-2542
Questions? Call 202-232-8662 or email stressdoc@aol.com
4. Chat Group:
Stop by my AOL/Digital City Shrink Rap (TM) and Group Chat DC Debate Tuesdays,
9:30-11pm EST
DC Support Chat (Alas, only for AOL members.)
Mark Gorkin, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, is a keynote and
international/Celebrity Cruise Lines motivational speaker, psychotherapist,
syndicated writer, and author of his new book, Practice Safe Stress: Healing
and Laughing in the Face of Stress, Burnout & Depression and The Four Faces of
Anger: Transforming Anger, Conflict and Rage Into Inspiring Attitude and
Behavior. He was the keynote speaker for the Society of Human Resource
Management (SHRM)--Maryland
state chapters at their 2004 Leadership Conference. The Doc, AOL's "Online
Psychohumorist," is a training and OD Consultant for numerous companies,
associations and government agencies. Interviewed by the BBC and Biography
magazine, Mark has a multi-award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" --
www.stressdoc.com . The site was selected as workplace resource in a National
Public Radio feature on "Bad Bosses." For more info, email stressdoc@aol.com
or call 202-232-8662.
(c) Mark Gorkin 2004
Shrink Rap Productions