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The Stress Doc Letter
Cybernotes from the Online Psychohumorist ™



MAY 2009, No. I, Sec. II

Fight when you can
Take flight when you must
Flow like a dream
In the Phoenix we trust!



Main Essay:

[Ed. Note:  This essay recently appeared as the cover article for the May 2009, PARAGRAM, the publication of the Oregon Paralegal Association.  I decided it earned another appearance in the Stress Doc Newsletter.]

The Psychology, Reworking and Passionate Art behind Quick Performance Turnaround

No matter how many times I've gone through this tango, when it happens I feel like my partner has abruptly walked away leaving me dazed on the dance floor feeling exposed and rejected:  "I tried so hard…wasn't I good enough?"  Actually, I'm referring to critical feedback from township employees after a recent three-hour training program:  some people felt there was "not enough stress coping skills" provided; one evaluation write-in labeled the training "a big gripe session"; and another person even said I was "boring."  Me…boring!!!  And while there were several positive comments, I expect much stronger reviews.

From a more rational perspective, I can place some of the comments in a larger context:  several people didn't want to partake in this HR-mandated training, mandated because of several workplace incidents between employees of different cultural-ethnic groups.  (Depending on your perspective the interpersonal-cultural problems involved either insensitive and hostile humor or political correctness run amok.)  And HR acknowledged they hadn't really explained to employees why the training was being held.  So the evaluations may reflect some displacement of frustration and confusion.  However, both a bruised ego and my performance-driven nature won't allow me to put aside the comments.

And yet, I must basically do just that.  Less than an hour after scanning the evaluations I'm repeating the program with another group of forty.  (The HR person sent out evaluation forms at the eleventh hour.)  Feeling decidedly deflated, I even wondered about the quality and intensity of my stage energy and focus.  Basically, I'm cycling between a depressed mood and anxiously waiting in the wings, fists clenched, just wanting the bell to sound.

Finally, the HR Director does the introductions.  (The second group had a brief email heads up regarding the workshop purpose.)  I then do my opening routine and, as the presentation unfolds, come to realize that, without forethought or full consciousness, I have made some small yet significant shifts in my presentational substance and style.  And the program turns out to be smash, at least based on immediate post-workshop oral feedback from participants and the HR Director.  What happened?  Why such a difference?  Consider these Four Keys for a Quick Performance Turnaround:

1.  Take Time for the Pain.
  While initially fearing being psyched out, in fact staying with the painful feedback, once in performance gear, actually fired me up.  I sensed a determination to make whatever corrections would be necessary to connect with and wow the audience.  It's a two-fold challenge:  high performers, to use a baseball metaphor, must have an ability to put a blown save behind them. The next night they are back on the mound, expecting to throw their best stuff.   At the same time, these pros mine the one or two nuggets of useful data revealed by an unsuccessful outing.  As noted author, F. Scott Fitzgerald, observed:  "The test of a first rate intellect is the capacity to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function.  For example, one should see things as hopeless yet be determined to make them otherwise."

2.  Edit, Edit, Bullets, Bullets. 
I was wounded by the "boring" comment.  (You know the old saw:  "Vanity thy name is Gorkin.")  After briefly licking my wounds, I came out with my mind racing.  I intuited that a turnaround key was shortening my lecture points to the essential informational bullets and moving quickly into the interactive exercises.  Less background material meant it was easier for folks to sort the "hands on" tools from the theory.  People were not going to have time to feel bored.  I also replaced a more conceptual model and somewhat intimate group exercise with a quick, one-on-one, giving and receiving criticism role play.  Some of the previous dissatisfaction may have been triggered by too much vulnerability.  In fact, in the first program, during an exercise report back segment, one group did not feel safe to share their discussion points because of the presence of a particular manager.  In summary, a consequence of my pain and frustration was risking letting go of the familiar presentational progression; I was ready to cut, run, mix it up and shoot from the lip.

3.  Bring On the Passion. 
Cutting back the lecture and hitting the bullets helped punch up and animate my delivery, especially as I was feeding off the energy building through engagement with the audience.  We were motivating each other.  However, my intensity was seemingly rubbing at least one gentleman the wrong way.  He suggested I take it easy, and then made a couple of other subtly disparaging comments before finally saying, "Now don't get stressed."

Of course, he was being a provocateur, trying to boost himself at my expense.  Hey, bring it on.  I know wise guys.  In fact, one of my stated goals in life:  to be a "wise man and a wise guy!"  Actually, this kind of test fires my brain.  My response:  "If I was under stress it was 'good stress.'"  (We had talked earlier about good stress creating an optimal level of challenge and focus thereby generating a sense of vitality and contributing to peak performance.)  I then reframed my behavior as being "passionate," and reflecting my strong belief in the subject and of "walking the talk."  Personalizing the interplay with an audience member (without taking it personally) makes it easier for a presenter to speak from the head and the heart.

I even injected a little provocative humor by asking the group, "What's the first word that comes to mind when you hear "passion"?  With a little encouragement, someone called out "sex."  Then my rejoinder:  "We know what the "s"-word for passion is in the DC area…Or what it used to be.  It used to be "Senator" but then Bill Clinton ruined my joke!"  Definitely gets a mix of laughs and groans, further relaxing the room.

Actually, the "s" word for passion is "suffering," as in the "Passion Play."  And I shared how in one workshop a participant free associated to the word "passion" with "Rosa Parks."  Obviously, a powerful buzzword on a program related to cultural diversity and conflict.  Speaking your audience's language is an interpersonal bridge.

Finally, allowing myself to be challenged by an audience member and engaging in some playful and passionate repartee, established another level of audience connection.  Many people enjoy a bit of razzing of a speaker or leader, bringing him or her a little more down to earth or, at least, reducing some of the status distinctions.  (This is why many effective leaders, Abraham Lincoln, being an obvious example, engage in self-deprecating humor.)  But the most important reason for engaging an antagonist or potential disrupter:  the audience wants to know that the authority can handle this challenge or competition effectively and non-defensively.  Ultimately, such interplay strengthens both the confidence in the presenter and the trust and safety level in the room.

4.  Make Time for Positive Problem-Solving. 
I typically close my programs with a signature "Team Discussion/Team Drawing Exercise."  The exercise divides the large group into teams of four or five, and asks the teams to "Identify Causes of Workplace Stress and Conflict."  The teams have about ten minutes for discussion and then ten minutes to transform the discussion points into a group picture.  The images are invariably "out-rage-ous," that is, the process of drawing sinking ships and sharks in the water or stalking, fire breathing dragons, helps people draw out their angry feelings, instead of acting them out.  (Email stressdoc@aol.com for more information about the exercise.)  The exercise also involves both a "gallery walk" and a "show and tell," with each group discussing their picture's issues and symbols with the entire audience.

Due to time constraints, however, the first program ended with my encouraging attendees to use the stress factors identified in the drawings to stimulate problem-solving discussion during their regular team meetings.  For the second outing, I knew to leave time to do follow-up problem-solving during the program.  Especially in organizations or divisions where there is a good bit of existing tension, when you just illustrate the stressors and sources of conflict and don't follow with group brainstorming of positive strategies and recommendations, there can be a sense that the exercise was too negative or that the organization is left hanging.  That is, the shortcomings of the organization are being highlighted while the strengths are overlooked.  And a common refrain:  "Great, we know the stressors…but what are we supposed to do about them?"

And while some believe allowing attendees to identify and vent their frustration with workplace stressors is "being negative" or encouraging a "gripe session," in fact, when management demonstrates a willingness to listen genuinely to employees' concerns, a first step toward increasing trust has been taken:  management is not afraid of hearing some "bad news."  And in the second program, the HR Director announced she would be starting volunteer, employee-supervisor focus groups to implement problem-solving ideas generated in the workshops.  Clearly, having an ally helps the turnaround cause!

In summary, four keys to recovering from substandard performance and generating a quick turnaround have been identified:  1) Take Time for the Pain, 2) Edit, Edit, Bullets, Bullets, 3) Bring On the Passion and 4) Make Time for Positive Problem-Solving.  Absorbing the negative evaluations helped generate a rapid learning curve and a transitional space that facilitated closing the gap between aspiration and current position.  And perhaps the most important consequence of these keys was the induction of a powerful role shift -- from presenter to orchestra leader.  Now I was consistently helping other people bring out their best music!
 



Readers' Submissions

Subject: Economic Stimulus Package....
From:  PCorell@HOPSTEINER.com

Apparently the American Medical Association has weighed in on the new economic stimulus package....

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.  Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.
-----------------------

Subj:  Encouraging Notes from the Career Transition Battlefront
(Editor's title; a correspondence with a friend and colleague)

   Hi, Mark! Thanks much! Actually, now that the weather has gotten nice (and even when it's not), I've started walking the neighborhood one or twice a day. I feel that it's important to get out and get the endorphins flowing. I also know that exposure to light is important.
   And, yes, I have a photo note card project that I enjoy working on, although most of my "creative" energy still goes into reading job descriptions and trying to find the right fit.
   Since my severance payment is dwindling, I am also going to see if I can find temp work a couple of days a week as a writer. That is my best skill and what I enjoy doing most.
   Actually, my recent experiences in the job hunt have not been total negatives. They are helping me to refine what I want. So many donor relations jobs have a large special events component and I've decided that I really don't want that, even though I can do it. Instead, I'm going to start marketing myself as a stewardship writer, i.e., writer of endowed reports to donors, acknowledgement letters, etc. I also would like to get experience with grant and proposal writing as well as writing for the Web and have been trying to create some volunteer opportunities in this area for myself at schools I worked at or attended here in NYC, but that hasn't happened for me yet.
   So, I truly believe that everything we do moves up forward a little bit more. When you encounter the hurdles, you have to find a way over (or around) them, and that causes you to change your strategy and, I believe, get closer to your true self. When I settled on the stewardship writer idea, it was as though a path opened up before me. I don't know yet whether that will be a successful path, but it gave me a direction in which to aim my energies that I know is right for me. Now to find a match!
   Thank you for your ideas and I hope that your presentation to the 40+ club goes well.

Best, D
 



Testimonials:

Federal Asian Pacific American Council (FAPAC)
Annual National Leadership Training Conference -- 2009


[1.5 hour "A Leader's Greatest Gift -- TLCs:  Inspiring Trust, Laughter and Creative Collaboration" for 100+ attendees]

May 18, 2009

Good afternoon,

Greetings from Seoul, Korea.  Yes, I really enjoyed your TLC workshop.  I would like to participate in any available and/or future workshops.  Do you have any site/locations and POC for Seoul, Korea? 

I am working at the US Embassy in Seoul and I know others can benefit from the “TLC Program.” 

Thank you and look forward to hearing from you.

Legal Attache Office – FBI,
US Embassy, Seoul, Korea
-----------------
 
NOAA/National Weather Service
[1.5 hour "Creatively Managing Stress and Conflict through Interactive Humor" Program for 120 Diversity Managers, Counselors and Team Reps]

U.S. Dept of Commerce
National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE
1325 East-West Highway
Silver Spring, MD  20910-3283

May 8, 2009


Dear Mark:

On behalf of the National Weather Service's Equal Opportunity and Diversity Management, I want to thank you once again for your participation at the National Weather Service's Equal Opportunity and Diversity Management Training Summit in Atlanta. GA on April 28, 2009.  The Summit was a success.  The presentation you provided was well-received.  It lifted their spirits and gave them an opportunity to laugh and learn how to release any tension they may have been feeling.  Your training style is very engaging.  On behalf of the National Weather Service's Equal Opportunity and Diversity Management, thank you.

Sincerely,

Charly Wells, Director
NWS Office of Equal Opportunity
& Diversity Management

Charly.Wells@noaa.gov
 



Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker and "Motivational Humorist" known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN speaking and workshop programs.  In addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant for a variety of govt. agencies, corporations and non-profits and is AOL's "Online Psychohumorist" ™.  Mark is an Adjunct Professor, No. VA (NOVA) Community College and currently he is leading "Stress, Team Building and Humor" programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions, Ft. Hood, Texas.  A former Stress and Conflict Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger.  See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" -- www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).  For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-946-0865.  And to view web video highlights of a Stress Doc Keynote, go to http://www.stressdoc.com/media_downloads.htm
.

(c)  Mark Gorkin  2009

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