The Stress Doc Letter
Cybernotes from the Online Psychohumorist ™
JUN 2009, No. I, Sec. II
Fight when you can
Take flight when you must
Flow like a dream
In the Phoenix we trust!
Main
Essay:
Hi,
In light of this week's Wash, DC Metrorail tragedy, a number of folks in federal
agencies responded positively to my idea for an article providing strategic
tips for managing the emotional aftershocks and to help the community heal. For
a cleaner copy, the article is also an attachment. Peace.
Mark Gorkin, LICSW, The Stress Doc ™
301-875-2567 and
stressdoc@aol.com
P.S. If I can help you plan a program that will provide some relief and
rejuvenation while building a stronger sense of team and community, email or
call.
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The Stress Doc reflects on the recent Metrorail tragedy and outlines key steps
and strategies for those of us not directly injured but nonetheless still
dealing with lingering dis-ease or any post-trauma effects.
The Post-Metro Malaise: Strategic Steps for Managing Post-Trauma Aftershocks
For many of us, another date, Monday, June 22nd, has been painfully etched in
personal and collective memory. For folks in the Metro-DC area, this tragedy
erupting so close to home, the aftershocks are palpable and unnerving. Still,
this is more than a local story. While Metro is a vital part of the DC psyche
and lifeline, and is the hub of the region’s transportation fabric, it is also a
national icon. Especially for many millions of visitors, one might say
Washington, DC, is known far and wide for its “Three ‘M’s”: Museums, Monuments
and Metro. People from all walks of life felt the impact of the fatal
collision.
Of course, our hearts, tears and prayers go out to the victims and their
families. Alas, words alone cannot console the grief and heal the pain of lives
tragically torn asunder; one fervently hopes that family, friends, faith and
renewed focus over time may provide some relief and encourage psychic healing
and human bonding. So my purpose, then, is to mostly speak not to those
physically injured or jolted by the catastrophic collision but to address all of
us who must continue riding Metro as well as those who can imagine someday
riding Metro and are weighing the pros and cons. My words are for those likely
no longer in a state of shock, but possibly in a present state of dis-ease,
feeling that one’s world is shadowed by a greater sense of vulnerability and
diminished control.
For me this essay is personal. Monday I was on the Red Line. I had just
attended a seminar on “Mentoring” at the Dept. of Homeland Security (a tad
ironic, perhaps). I stopped to have lunch across the street at L’Enfant Plaza,
and was sitting outside soaking up the sunshine. Around two thirty in the
afternoon I began my northward trek to the Wheaton station, unconsciously
passing the Fort Totten stop. Just another day in the life of a Metro-DC
citizen/consultant.
But, of course, it wasn’t. Now questions linger: how do you/we make sense of
the unthinkable? And how do you/we come to grips with any trauma or emotional
angst that is an understandable byproduct of closely identifying with the
specific tragic event and the overall psychosocial-infrastructural-“the degree
of safety in my world of Washington, DC” gestalt now shaken in light of the
Metrorail disaster?
Let me say that we in Washington – whether inside or beyond the Beltway – are no
strangers to tragedy, whether it manifests as 9/11, sniper fire or an anthrax
attack/scare. (In fact, I have drawn on some of my previous post-trauma
strategic reflections for this article.) Many of us are battle-hardened; still
each tragedy must be acknowledged and wrestled with on its own terms. And also
worth mentioning is that we are presently living in uncertain times – economic,
job- and budget-related challenges, mortgage crises, depleted savings, etc.
abound – stressors which may propel uncertainty into outright anxiety or lack of
control moodiness. Finally, the nature of a post-traumatic stress reaction may
be influenced by three dynamics:
a) in general, the overall level of work and home life uncertainty or
vulnerability, non-stop demand or disorganization that one is currently
experiencing when tragedy or trauma hits,
b) the degree to which a person has had significant losses, especially early in
life, one example being a child who experiences the death of a parent; or the
degree to which significant losses throughout the life cycle have not been
sufficiently or adequately grieved; for example, persistent upsetting dreams
about earlier experiences of loss -- whether of a love one or of a “loss of
control or hope” scenario -- might be a signal for seeking some grief
counseling, and
c) intimately knowing someone involved in a tragedy or being physically near the
calamity in place or time (experiencing that “close call”) often heightens a
feeling of identification and may ratchet up personal anxiety or a sense of
loss.
The Stress Doc's Tips for Managing Post-Trauma Stress
With this descriptive and diagnostic opening, let me share some tips and
strategies for maintaining a realistic sense of control, some healing humor and
grace in these trying times.
1. Do a Self-Inventory. Are you experiencing any of these common
post-traumatic stress symptoms?:
a) generalized anxiety or helplessness; loss of concentration or racing
thoughts
b) eating or sleeping disturbance; increasing your use of alcohol and drugs to
chill out
c) feeling numb or unpredictably weepy; sudden crying
d) somatic stress, e.g., headaches, muscle tension, rise in blood pressure,
etc.
e) loss of interest in previously enjoyable activities, roles and relations
f) impending doom; preoccupation with what will happen next.
You don’t have to have all these indicators to be a candidate for increased
nurturance or reassurance, whether personal or professional. When one or two of
these “smoke signals” reach intense levels, consider reaching out. Fortunately,
federal employees have access to agency Employee Assistance Programs (EAP), that
is, free, time-limited counseling. Talking with a trained and objective
professional may be the best way to engage your thoughts and feelings and regain
a sense of emotional equilibrium and perspective.
2. Stay Connected, Not Compulsive. As a general coping strategy, don't
just bury your head in work as a way to tune out anxiety. Conversely, beware
the deer in the headlights syndrome from CNN or internet overload. Beware being
mesmerized by “news addict” media. Talk with significant others to help release
and reduce some of the fear; however, seek a serene mean: constant venting (or
being exposed to such an invasive "stress carrier") likely will fuel anxious
ruminating.
3. If at All Possible, Get Back On the (Iron) Horse. The next two
post-trauma management/prevention tips come from post-9/11 experiences. About a
week before 9/11, I confirmed a visit to my folks in NYC via AMTRAK. I was to
arrive on the 14th. Then 9/11 happened. Despite some anxiety, on the phone we
agreed that short of a credible bomb threat at Penn Station I would head up.
And I’m glad I did. Traveling on the train, landing in Penn Station, and later
that weekend walking around Union Square with a friend, viewing the candlelight
vigils, hearing the haunting strains of music and seeing the heart-wrenching,
“Have you seen…?” photos, letter scraps and posters, was incredibly poignant and
also cathartic. Confronting the myriad of emotions helped me tangibly feel the
loss as well as find some sense in the ineffable and the irrational. I believe
this emotional immersion ultimately prevented the development of phobic-like
avoidance reactions and reduced the length and severity of the post-trauma
experience. (Again, the experience is very different for an individual or
family who more directly and tragically experienced “ground zero.”)
4. Sustain Commitment, Demonstrate Courage. When it comes to managing
trauma and strengthening emotional muscle, more is on the line than just
individual stress. How you handle challenges, including personal stress, often
has important implications for others, especially the ones closest to you.
Consider this second post-9/11 vignette. (I’m not equating the two tragedies;
just trying to present a story for your consideration.): a Ph.D. Research
Psychologist working at the National Institutes of Health (in the
Metro-Washington area) at a Center meeting recalled the terror-induced
distraught weeping of her ten-year-old daughter. The girl was trying to
dissuade her mother from attending an out-of-town conference about one month
after the September attacks. Despite having left the child with her parents,
this single mother was still not sure she had done the right thing. Once
discerning that the daughter was doing fine, I asked this Mom to loosen her
guilt knot and to consider that, "You've been a role model for courage. That
despite having some fears, the message you gave your daughter was not of
neglect. Your actions revealed having enough confidence in yourself and in her,
and a belief in meeting important responsibilities even in tough times."
5. Share the Humor. Clearly, there's no joking away today's litany of
fears, scares and tragedies yet, as the comedic genius, Charlie Chaplin,
understood, more than ever we need to laugh: "A paradoxical thing is that in
making comedy the tragic is precisely which arouses the funny...we have to laugh
due to our helplessness in the face of natural forces and (in order) not to go
crazy."
Right now, some light and enlightening in-house training and conference programs
filled with some safe venting, laughter and fun just might make a timely and
invaluable healing and inspiring gift. Sometimes, though, major planning isn't
necessary; healing humor may only require a deft touch at a sensitive or "higher
power" moment. Consider the repertoire of a Southwest Airlines employee at a
traditionally somber interlude. Reviewing takeoff procedures, the steward,
holding both oxygen mask and float cushion, suddenly says, "Since part of this
trip will be over water, in the unlikely event that this flight becomes a
cruise"…and before he could complete his instructions, waves of laughter rolled
through the cabin.
Whether getting on a plane, train or being apart from family while attending a
conference, being able to find some humor or a sense of the absurd in the face
of our doubts and demons are all vital components for long-term relief and
rejuvenation. According to psychiatrist, Ernst Kris, "What was once feared and
is now mastered is laughed at." And as the Stress Doc inverted: "What was once
feared and is now laughed at is no longer a master!"
But it was the great humanitarian and disability pioneer, Helen Keller, who
truly captured the importance of humor as a heart-to-heart healing and uplifting
source, especially in trying times: “The world is so full of care and sorrow it
is a gracious debt we owe one another to discover the bright crystals of delight
hidden in somber circumstances and irksome tasks.” Amen and women to that!
6. Distinguish Probable vs. Possible. As the former Washington Post
reporter, Doug Feaver, who covered Metro and other local and national
transportation issues, stated in his June 24 op-ed piece, despite the recent
tragedy and the age of some of the trains, “Metro is extraordinarily safe.
About 40,000 people nationwide were killed in traffic accidents in 2007, the
last year for which totals are available…A total of 12 passengers and two metro
employees have been killed since the system opened.”
When decision-making is driven by "the possible" (adverse consequences) then we
are nearly always anxious, vulnerable and on the edge. With a fertile mind,
almost any negative influence or occurrence or omen can be lurking in the
shadows. However, by evaluating situations more objectively, often with the
help of fact-driven feedback, thereby discerning what is a reasonable
expectation or likely result, that is, "the probable," we can: a) better assess
past and present issues and events as well as future warning indicators, b)
identify more accurately the problem-solving content and context, what's
relevant background data, what's noise, and c) generate more reliable, optimally
risk-taking and more likely to be effective individual and collective response
options and actions.
Of course, using a probability perspective means randomness and hazard is to
some degree in play; you cannot be omniscient or be totally in control of all
contingencies. We all want to know as quickly as possible the causes of the
tragedy. Let the investigators do their job. Be careful not to jump to
premature conclusions just to resolve anxiety and create the illusion of
control.
Remember, wisdom is usually seen as a yin-yang mix of having knowledge and being
able to tolerate uncertainty; taking action yet knowing when to exercise
judicious restraint; becoming emotionally involved and demonstrating some
detachment. The Serenity Prayer, once again, seems prescient:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
7. Take Timely, Concrete and Positive Action. Try formulating two or three
action steps that might help you feel a small but significant degree of enhanced
safety and security. If you are considering using Metro again, how about riding
with a friend or “stress buddy?” For example, I’ve been doing work with
officers, soldiers and spouses at Ft. Hood, TX. When the soldiers deploy to
Iraq, not surprisingly, it’s a stressful time on the home front. In highly
coordinated fashion, the spouses' “battlefield buddy” network swings into
action, establishing phone trees and help lines, peer social and support groups,
family outings, etc. The BLUF (“Bottom Line Under Fire, not "Bottom Line U
Fool"): “Don’t suffer alone in silence!”
Like the state of crisis, post-trauma effects are time-limited; a person will
typically regain a state of mind-body equilibrium within one to six weeks. The
equilibrium may reflect: a) positive problem-solving and the further development
of one’s mind-body-spirit resources or support systems or b) regression using
avoidance coping strategies that constrict the choices and boundaries of your
life. This is why the Chinese have two characters for “crisis” – “danger and
opportunity.” So strike when the ego is hot, for there is a timely learning
curve: effective coping during the one-six week vulnerable window not only
restores a sense of confidence and competence but often helps develop cognitive
and emotional muscles for managing future trauma or crisis effects.
In summary, there is cause for hope and even optimism. Post-traumatic stress is
natural, and if purposefully engaged may heighten an individual's problem
solving capacity, enhance one's communal circle of support and, in addition, the
grief process may be a catalyst for potent healing and growth producing energy.
As I once penned: Whether the loss is a key person, a desired position or a
powerful illusion each deserves the respect of mourning. The pit in the
stomach, the clenched fists and quivering jaw, the anguished sobs prove
catalytic in time. In mystical fashion, like Spring upon Winter, the seeds of
dissolution bear fruitful renewal.
8. Develop Natural SPEED. Finally, try this daily formula for natural
stress inoculation:
S = Sleep. Don't be cheap with your need for sleep. Less than six hours
a day for most folks dulls cognitive sharpness, a critical faculty for
firmly grounding those fear factors and exploring problem solving opportunities.
P = Priorities. One example: distinguish "the urgent" (which must be
handled immediately) from "the important" (which can be prioritized). The
second approach when it comes to establishing priorities: “learn to say no.”
Remember, burnout is less a sign of failure and more that you gave yourself
away. Consider these Stress Doc maxims: “A firm ‘No’ a day keeps the ulcers
away, and the hostilities, too” and “Do know your limits and don’t limit your
‘No’s.”
E = Empathy. Have a stress buddy at work and/or home; someone with whom
you can both give and get support. As I once penned: “E” is for the
empathy found in a caring shoulder. But all give without take is a big mistake
for now you shoulder a boulder!
E = Exercise. Not only does aerobic level exercise stimulate the
mind-body's natural mood enhancing chemicals, but walking two miles or a
30-minute workout at the gym provides a beginning and endpoint for a tangible
sense of accomplishment and control. In uncertain times, success rituals
definitely strengthen psychological hardiness and resilience.
D = Diet. This is not the time to use food to numb your angst. High
fats and simple sugars along with excess alcohol dull the brain in the long run
and can even trigger moodiness and depression. A conscious healthy eating
regimen will be another self-control component in your strategic plan for
mind-body safety and personal-professional integrity.
Hopefully, this article has raised some questions and outlined some steps and
strategies for positively responding to these trying if not traumatic
times…words to help one and all Practice Safe Stress!
Readers Comment on Metrorail Article:
1) Wow! Wonderful article. I am submitting for publication in the
Association of Legal Administrators, Capital Chapter Newsletter for July 1
deadline. Of course your contact information will be given.
Marilyn
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2) Nice Stress Doc! There's a lot of good advice in here for those of us who
have been laid off as well.
Dianne from New York
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3) Great idea...my initial plan was to sit in the the second car and definitely
not the last car of any metro train. I do accept life on a day-to-day basis and
prayer that I will make it home to Mary Ellen whenever I travel. Each day is a
gift...I have lived a good life in spite of challenges...many of my own making.
Jack
Testimonials:
1) Workforce Technology Center/Division of Rehabilitation Services
[2 hour "Values- Based Teaming" Program for 125 attendees]
Good morning Mark, Sorry its taken so long but things are kicking into high gear
with our Conference and the new state fiscal year coming around the corner. We
did thoroughly enjoy the training and appreciated your flexibility and
creativity with infusing your teambuilding exercises into our Core Values
program here at the Workforce and Technology Center. Your ability to energize
125 staff in an auditorium and keep them focused while having fun and learning
all at the same time is truly remarkable and a reflection of your skills as a
trainer and commitment to ongoing professional development. Thank you again for
all of the preparation you did to customize our event.
Melissa C. Pemberton,M.A.Ed.,CRC
Division of Rehabilitation Services
Staff Specialist, Human Resource Development
2301 Argonne Drive
Baltimore, Maryland 21218
mpemberton@dors.state.md.us
phone:410-554-9381
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2) Booz Allen Hamilton/IT Dept., Herndon, VA
[2.5 hour Creatively Managing Change and Team Building Program for 25
attendees]
You really received great reviews from our group. Everyone loved what you did.
Unfortunately, to write a testimonial that can be used in your marketing the
Booz Allen name cannot be associated without further permission from our
marketing department.
Caroline Gilman, Program Manager
gilman_caroline@bah.com
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, a Licensed Clinical Social
Worker, is an acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker and "Motivational Humorist"
known for his interactive, inspiring and FUN speaking and workshop programs. In
addition, the "Doc" is a team building and organizational development consultant
for a variety of govt. agencies, corporations and non-profits and is AOL's
"Online Psychohumorist" ™. Mark is an Adjunct Professor, No. VA (NOVA)
Community College and currently he is leading "Stress, Team Building and Humor"
programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions, Ft. Hood, Texas. A
former Stress and Conflict Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress
Doc is the author of Practice Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of
Anger. See his award-winning, USA Today Online "HotSite" --
www.stressdoc.com -- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio
(NPR). For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive
his free e-newsletter, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 301-946-0865.
And to view web video highlights of a Stress Doc Keynote, go to
http://www.stressdoc.com/media_downloads.htm
.
(c) Mark Gorkin 2009
Shrink Rap™ Productions