The Stress Doc Letter
Cybernotes from the Online Psychohumorist (tm)
JUN 2010, No. I, Sec. II
Fight when you can
Take flight when you must
Flow like a dream
In the Phoenix we trust!
Keys to Strengthening Buy-in, Trust and Team Coordination
in a Generationally-Culturally Diverse (Military) Workforce -- Part II
Part I of this two-part series has delineated five of the "Top Ten Tools and
Strategies for Strengthening Buy-in, Trust and Team Coordination among a
Generationally-Culturally Diverse (Military) Workforce," including building
communication bridges and fostering a team/systems concept that has application
for both military and non-military work settings. The first five "Tools
and Strategies" are:
1. Ask Good Questions and Patiently Listen to Reduce Status Differences
and Foster Respect
2. Hold Group "Shout Outs"
3. Create Climate of Communication without Reprisal
4. Build-in Leadership-Partnership Tools
5. Sometimes Buy-in Begins in the Rear
Here are the second five "Tools and Strategies":
6. Get to Know Your Soldiers. In their groundbreaking work,
First Break All the Rules: What Great Managers Do Differently,
Organizational Development Gallup Poll researchers, Marcus Buckingham and Curt
Coffman, discovered that the best managers defy "The Golden Rule." These
mavericks would not, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."
Uncommonly effective managers knew that getting to know your people's needs and
idiosyncrasies was critical. With this understanding and personal touch
the manager was able to treat each person as a unique individual with specific
talents, strengths and vulnerabilities. An intimate yet objective
professional connection was a key dynamic in attracting, motivating and
retaining the best employees.
For example, one Field Grade Officer observed that when soldiers believe you are
interested in and concerned about them as individuals, even chewing out is often
seen as caring. In authority relationships based on understanding and
trust -- that is, where a subordinate feels seen, heard and respected
--employees are more open to the Stress Doc's version of "TLC": "Tender
Loving Criticism" and "Tough Loving Care." Or consider this illustration
of breaking out of the protocol box and infusing the professional with the
personal. One Brigade Commander, temporarily stateside, visited a
hospitalized spouse while her soldier was "down range." What's this
soldier thinking and feeling about his leader? I bet you he's more
committed than ever: "I don't want to disappoint this man (or woman)!"
Finally, sometimes informal work relationships are even more valuable than
supervisory ones in reaching (out to) younger employees and evolving a safe and
intimate bond. Consider pairing a senior soldier as a mentor or
"battlefield buddy" with a junior colleague. (For me, another semantic variation
is an organizational "stress buddy.") A number of federal agencies are
developing far-reaching, in-house mentorship programs.
7. Use MFLC and Other Support Resources. "Lead by Example" --
a quintessential military mantra. Alas, sometimes leaders don't walk the
talk! According to one experienced Military and Family Life Consultant,
senior people often tell or advise younger soldiers to avail themselves of MFLC
and other behavioral/psychological support services; however, they are reluctant
to use these services themselves. For example, recently, a commander of a
post was soon to be married. He turned down a suggestion to come for some
pre-marital counseling with his wife-to-be. This leader missed an
opportunity to be a role model validating as well as destigmatizing the use of
these services. Of course, one must acknowledge two powerful inhibiting
factors:
a) asking for psychological help is still seen by many as a sign of "personal
weakness" along with b) the still prevalent fear throughout the ranks that
seeking counseling services puts a stain on a military career record.
Obviously, stereotypes remain to be tackled.
Sometimes making screenings or assessments universal and mandatory helps break
down status barriers and legitimizes vital services; it also may close
self-defeating loop holes. For example, after a "down range" deployment,
during the reintegration process why not have all soldiers and officers
interviewed by MFLCs for significant stress/dysfunctional adaptation signs
before going on block leave. Or, as suggested by Everly, G.S. and
Castellano, C., within 60-90 days, consider having a didactic and interactive
training day for soldiers and officers and their families highlighting adaptive
and maladaptive post-deployment coping (Everly, G.S. and Castellano, C.,
"Fostering Resiliency in the Military: The Search for Psychological Body
Armor," CounterTerrorism, Vol. 15, No. 4, 2009).
Here's a personal story I'd like to share that speaks to the importance of
universalizing certain vital services. In the mid-1980s, I began working
with a New Orleans businessman on burnout issues brought on by a demanding
import-export business. However, the focus quickly shifted as my client
was also a former Israeli officer who had undergone some harrowing encounters as
a front-line Tank Commander in the 1973 Arab-Israeli War. His traumatic
experiences included helping repulse a surprise tank attack by a numerically
superior foe; many in his battalion lost their lives. And when finally
returning from the battlefield in haste, in a state of exhaustion, he crashes
his jeep killing two fellow passengers-soldiers. Necessary reports were
filed; however, because he was an officer no psychological debriefing was
required. In my office twelve years later it was apparent how heavy the
unfinished military emotional burden and baggage, and how much it was fueling
his present burnout fire. I rerouted him back to Israel for that long
overdue debriefing and encouraged him to begin sharing the suppressed
experiences and emotions with his family.
8. Triple "A" and CPRS: Two Tools for Strengthening Buy-In and
Trust. Consider these responsibility- and relationship-building
acronyms:
a) Integrate the Triple "A". The younger generation wants to be
seen and heard as a collaborative member of the team. However, sometimes
those in authority positions wonder if this generation wants the rights but not
the responsibilities. However, not all agree. According to an
experienced businessman actively involved in supporting the Ft. Hood community,
sometimes young leaders experience a role-responsibility inconsistency.
These officers are often forced into critical decision-making roles and
challenging duties and tasks while "down range," which they usually handle with
maturity and competence. However, when stationed at the home base these
same leaders may not be given the equivalent or sufficient role or
decision-making independence or responsibility, even when the brigade or
battalion is training for deployment. Perhaps senior management should
establish roles, procedures and practices that foster greater young leader
authority and autonomy as the way of doing business all the time. As our
businessman noted, "You play as well as you practice!"
How to balance roles, rights and responsibilities? Consider employing the
"Triple 'A' of Individual & Organizational Responsibility: Authority,
Autonomy and Accountability." Management needs to provide and encourage
opportunities for all levels of employees, but especially younger ones, to
develop their knowledge, skill and role base (Authority) and, within
organizational norms and culture, be allowed to exercise reasonable independence
and individuality in thought and practice (Autonomy). Finally,
professionals must understand that objective and measurable, timely and ethical
trust-inducing standards and practices with clients, colleagues and management
(Accountability) undergird autonomy and authority. I call this "The
Triple 'A' of Professional Responsibility, whereby a person and system "has an
impact" (responsive) and "is worthy of trust" (responsible) (ARDictionary).
"Triple 'A' Responsibility" is also a necessary requisite for genuine and
effective collaboration and coordination as well as for credibility and service
quality.
b) Engage in CPRS to Encourage Listening and Questioning, Two-Way Exchange
and Buy-in
C = Clarification and (Be) Concise
Clarification. Clarification involves asking the other party to
provide more information, to elaborate upon a statement or answer specific
questions. A clarification attempt is not an inquisitorial, "WHY did you
do that?" It's more a recognition that something is not clear; perhaps the
listener has some confusion and desires more information, again, for better
understanding. And clarification should not be the springboard to a harsh
or blaming "You"-message and/or a dismissive judgment, e.g., "You're wrong" or
"You don't really believe that, do you!" A much better response is, "I
disagree," "I see it differently" or "My data says otherwise."
(Be) Concise. I believe over-talking or rambling on, basically conveying
the same message over and over, or providing an overextended "laundry list," is
a dis-ease of epidemic (and too often egotistic) proportions. Or, an
insecure communicator faced with the absence of immediate acknowledgement from
his or her audience keeps trying to get the original message across (and likely,
as well, audience approval), sometimes through repetition, sometimes through
telling another story. If this angst-driven behavior applies, stop trying
so hard; better to find the pass in the impasse by asking, "Am I being clear?"
And don't put the burden on the other with, "Do you understand?" (Of
course, a mature message receiver knows to provide some kind of responsive --
verbal or nonverbal -- feedback.) Remember, to expand upon "The Bard,"
brevity (and clarity) is the source of wit (and wisdom)!
P = Paraphrase and Pause
Paraphrase. Paraphrasing involves repeating the other's message in the
person's words or in your own distillation, to affirm, "Message sent is message
received." Sometimes, especially if a sender has conveyed a significant
amount of information or complex instructions, it's wise to say, "I know I just
said a lot. Would you paraphrase back what you heard?" Again, the
motive is not to catch the other but to have both parties on the same page.
Pause. In a "T n T" (Time- and Task-driven) world, communicators often
feel they have to cram in the info as time is limited. Providing people
with a non-stop, seemingly endless catalog of items (or even bullets) almost
assures that key issues and ideas will be lost in the verbiage. Learning
to pause, to segment or chunk your message helps the receiver catch the gist
without fumbling the ideas, intentions or implications. (The
communicational analogy might be writing concisely, using short and to the point
paragraphs. Sometimes less really is more.) Momentary breaks from
the back and forth also allow the parties to ponder and posit new possibilities.
Now active listening may morph into creative listening.
R = Reaction vs. Response and (Tentatively) Reflect and (Appropriately)
Reveal
Reaction vs. Response. Reactive listening usually occurs when you feel
threatened or angry and then immediately engage in a counterargument. For
example, sensing inconsistency you reject or talk over the message and basically
dismiss the messenger. Or, some end a contentious listening process with a
quick and reactive retreat: "You've hurt me" or "You made me upset" and
the receiver vacates the communicational field and avoids an honest exchange.
(Clearly, if one party is being abusive or "pulling rank" and it does not feel
safe to voice your position, then retreating or remaining silent is a wise
strategy.) In contrast, a response often blends both head and heart and
involves the use of an "I" message: "I'm concerned about what I'm hearing"
or "I sense there's a problem. Is my assessment on target?" An
"I"-message response is the opposite of a wildly emotional or knee-"jerk" (or
"you jerk") reaction; it takes personal responsibility for both receiving and
giving feedback. Shifting from blaming "You" messages to assertive and
empathic "I"s transforms a defensive reaction into a reasoned response. So
"count to ten and check within."
Reflect Feelings (Tentatively)/Reveal Feelings (Appropriately).
Reflecting feelings means to gently, kindly or tactfully ask about or to
acknowledge overt or underlying emotions that are attached to the other party's
communication. "I know you are on board, still it sounds like you may have
some frustration with the decision. Care to discuss it?" Sometimes
you may not know what the other is feeling. Instead of trying to guess or
saying, "Gee you must be angry," if you want to comment, better to say, "When
I've been in a similar situation, I found myself becoming…" (Be careful;
don't suddenly shift the focus and make yourself the center of the
conversation.) And then pause; give the other person time to respond or
not. Also, especially regarding the emotional component of messages, both
listening and looking for verbal and nonverbal cues - voice tone and volume,
facial and other bodily gestures, for example, lowered head and eyes or arms
crossed over the chest -- will facilitate more accurate reflection or
discretion.
S = Strategize and Summarize
Strategize. Strategic listening takes active listening to a next level.
The goal is more than awareness and empathy. Now you want to invite the
other to engage in a mutual, problem-solving dance. Common and disparate,
structured and spontaneous ideas and emotions as well as goals and dreams are
freely explored and transformed. To use another musical metaphor, such
focused yet flexible listening-interplay is akin to a jazz group riff that
encourages give and take expression, builds understanding and also triggers
imaginative possibilities. The purpose of such strategic back and forth is
"synergy" -- a sharing-listening-questioning-sharing dialogic loop yielding an
expanded awareness: the consciousness whole is greater than the sum of the
communicational-cultural parts.
Summarize. Finally, you are ready to review and pull together such
problem-solving elements as mutual agreements, outstanding differences --
factual as well as emotional
-- broad strategies and action plans to be executed (including the parties
responsible for implementation), time frames, ongoing monitoring or interim
report back and follow-up procedures. And depending on the communicational
context, a written summary is often advisable.
9. Acknowledge the Importance of the Denial of Death/the Search for
Meaning. Ernest Becker, late 20th century sociologist and philosopher, in
his prize-winning book, The Denial of Death, observed that the most
important human urge is the desire to feel important, that is, there is a
fundamental need to create a sense of meaning in one's life. (Also, see renowned
Holocaust survivor-author, Viktor Frankl's, Man's Search for Meaning).
To create a more meaningful work environment, especially vital for today's
younger soldiers, encourage/challenge them to: a) reframe more positively what
they do, b) lobby for assignments that will compel them to grow and inspire
them, and c) work hard to step up to greater responsibility and visibility.
Also, as leaders, when possible, provide a broad structure or outline of what's
expected; then give people leeway for deciding how to do the task or reach the
goal. Communicate specifically about how people's roles and actions make a
performance difference and how they impact the big picture. And one other
suggestion for management for connecting with all personnel: try investing
in "Organizational/Operational IRAs" -- Incentives, Rewards/Recognition and
Advancement Opportunities.
10. Be a Humble Leader. And finally, as a leader, try blending
professional will with a humble spirit to encourage "buy-in, trust and team
coordination." Remember, a humble individual is not necessarily reticent
or self-effacing, but puts principle and partnership ahead of self-promotion
(Jim Collins, Good to Great and Stephen M. R. Covey, Speed of Trust).
Such a person is more concerned about:
a) what's right/doing what's right rather than being right
b) acting on good ideas rather than just having them
c) embracing new truths rather than defending outdated positions
d) building the team rather than exalting self and
e) recognizing others' contributions rather than being recognized.
Closing Summary
Part II of this two-part series has delineated five additional "Top Ten Tools
and Strategies for Strengthening Buy-in, Trust and Team Coordination in
Generationally-Culturally Diverse (Military) Workforce." The final five
tools and strategies range from "getting to know your people and responding to
them as individuals (i.e., "breaking the Golden Rule"), courageously asking for
outside resources and fostering individual and organizational responsibility to
techniques for leading and listening by example, empathy and humility.
More specifically, the "Top Ten" communication bridges and team/systems concepts
for connecting with and meaningfully integrating both younger soldiers-employees
and a diverse workforce is:
1. Ask Good Questions and Patiently Listen to Reduce Status Differences
and Foster Respect
2. Hold Group "Shout Outs"
3. Create Climate of Communication without Reprisal
4. Build-in Leadership-Partnership Tools
5. Sometimes Buy-in Begins in the Rear
6. Get to Know Your Soldiers
7. Use MFLC and Other Support Resources
8. Triple "A" and CPRS: Two Tools for Strengthening Buy-In and Trust
9. Acknowledge the Importance of the Denial of Death/the Search for
Meaning
10. Be a Humble Leader.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phone Coaching-Consultation-Counseling with the Stress Doc ™
The recent success of the Busy Women's Retreat has generated a request for phone
coaching-consultation-counseling services; I am working with two clients and am
ready to expand my availability. (See testimonials below.) My expertise is
based on years of experience as a therapist and OD/team building and critical
incident consultant. My coaching is distinctly insightful and uncommonly
empowering. Of course, I continue to do unique keynote speaking and
workshop programs as a "Motivational Humorist."
In general, sessions will be for 30 or 60 minutes. Fees to be determined.
Feel free to pass the announcement on to friends, family and colleagues.
Here is a recent phone coaching testimonial from a client -- a stuntwoman and
coach -- on the West Coast. (I'm on the East Coast.):
Date: 10/30/2007
From: Stuntsista
Hi Mark,
What growth has occurred since our work several weeks back. I am most
certain you were a gift to me during those months of coaching together. As
I remember, the most memorable character trait to me is your ability to blend
courage and personal understanding; as one who has experienced suffering and
risen to overcome. Only one who has experienced the depth, could so
acutely and masterfully, handle the heart of one suffering, to guide, to point
out, to encourage voice to feelings. Mark, Thank you, for your accurate
assessment, time and again. I am grateful beyond words. I appreciate
your flexibility in time zones and the presence with which you showed up is just
solid. I enjoyed your humor that you inflected with such appropriateness.
It means so much to have had you 'in my corner' through such an ordeal I found
myself in.
My health has turned for the best and I deeply believe it has all to do with my
state of mind. As Victor Frankl observed over 40 years ago: "Those
who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man -- his
courage and hope, or there lack of -- and the state of immunity of his body will
understand that the sudden loss of hope and courage can have a deadly effect."
I am well. I have had several courageous conversations. There is
movement. Don't be surprised if our paths cross again ~ smile.
Most Sincerely,
Terri
Terri Cadiente A.C.C.
Associate Certified Coach, Speaker, Stunt woman
Strength And Grace Inc.
25050 Avenue Kearney Suite #109
Valencia, CA 91355
Office: 661.294.7841
Mobile: 818.489.4842www.StrengthAndGraceInc.com
~to inspire courage, provoke action and live from a heart at choice ~my life
purpose
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Testimonial Letter
Busy Women's Retreat
at Blue Mountain Retreat Center/Harper's Ferry, WV
March 14, 2010
Mark,
Thank you so much for giving
such a meaningful presentation at the Busy Women's Retreat here at Blue Mountain
on March 5th and 6th. The subject matter, "Transforming Stress, Conflict and
Change into Passion Power" was itself a very powerful theme, and you were able
to so skillfully present and guide the group! This subject brought a lot of
heavy emotions from the women to the surface. Your ability to help the women
work through their issues, and even more importantly, your ability to give them
tools with which to transform their stress was truly amazing. The participants
in the retreat told me personally that they were very impressed with the way
that you managed the group and that they took away many things that they can use
in their everyday life. Your presentation helped them to evaluate their
stressors differently, to see the positive in every stress, conflict and/or
change. Moreover, you helped them to realize they are not alone, and you were so
skilled at allowing and encouraging others to give feedback within the group!I
am just so impressed with your organization, your presentation and your
professionalism. I will certainly hire you again, and the women in this first
group all said they look forward to working with you again at a future
gathering! Thank you for your time, effort, intelligence and caring. You are
truly a gifted workshop leader!!
Beth Ehrhardt, Owner
Blue Mountain Retreat Cente
Knoxville, MD 21758
beth6mt@hotmail.com
------------
I appreciate your consideration and trust.
Mark
301-875-2567 (cell)
[Based in Washington, DC area]
----------------
Mark Gorkin, MSW, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™,
a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a one-of-a-kind
"Motivational Humorist & Team Communication Catalyst." The "Doc" is an
acclaimed keynote and kickoff speaker known for his interactive, inspiring and
FUN speaking and workshop programs. The "Stress Doc" is also a team
building and organizational development consultant for a variety of govt.
agencies, corporations and non-profits. And he is AOL's "Online
Psychohumorist" ™. Mark is an Adjunct Professor at Northern VA (NOVA)
Community College and currently he is leading "Stress, Team Building and Humor"
programs for the 1st Cavalry and 4th Infantry Divisions and Brigades, at Ft.
Hood, Texas and Ft. Leonard Wood, MO. A former Stress and Conflict
Consultant for the US Postal Service, the Stress Doc is the author of Practice
Safe Stress and of The Four Faces of Anger. See his award-winning, USA
Today Online "HotSite" --
www.stressdoc.com
-- called a "workplace resource" by National Public Radio (NPR).
For more info on the Doc's "Practice Safe Stress" programs or to receive his
free e-newsletter, email
stressdoc@aol.com
or call 301-875-2567.
(c) Mark Gorkin 2010
Shrink Rap™ Productions