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The Stress Doc Letter
Cybernotes from the Online Psychohumorist (tm)

November 1998, No. 3

The Stress Doc samples readers' reaponses to his requiem for Humor From the Edge. By way of contrast he also ran a spicy piece on "Murphy's vs. Stress Doc's Laws of Sex." Enjoy the ebb and flow!

Readers Respond to HFTE - In Memoriam (and to sex)

My previous mailing, a eulogy for the very popular internet newsletter, Humor From the Edge, evoked a real outpouring from readers. Perhaps it was pairing death and sex - "Murphy's vs. Stress Doc's Laws of Sex" - that stirred folks up. Though one reader balked: "Death and sex...oh Mark, not in that order...nononononono.... I'd like to think there's sex before death..."

But let me share the varied and rich responses. And where appropriate (or where I can't contain myself) I will add commentary. Readers, take it away:

Dear Friends:

I am so disappointed to hear of my favorite newsletter's demise! I was wondering why I had not heard from you in so long. Well, good luck in whatever road you travel. Thanks for your unknowing cheer and support. Please let me know if you ever start something like this up again. Regards,

Eileene M. Schlichting eilsch@hotmail.com

Again, my coworkers and I will really miss your humor!

It's sad that's Rick's Humor From The Edge is going away, but sometimes in life we must sacrifice something we love for someone we love... and I can understand why this must happen in his life at this moment..... do you remember a publication called Harper's Weekly?..... it was revived from death in the 80's for a brief time.... I had a letter to the editor published, which they paid for since they were so particular .... And then they accepted a proposal for an article complete with photos... I did the piece.... sent it in with 8 x 10 full glossy photos (I lived very close to Alice's Restaurant and even ate their ....Just like Arlo Guthrie, I had my 8 x 10 glossy photos).... and it was returned with an apology saying they were ceasing publication again...... I always felt responsible for that somehow..... sleepy smile.

Barb SeaofStars

I forwarded your sad but delightful memoriam to HFTE to a number of my E-mail buddies to whom I used to send some of the jokes.

Bogie 361 (:D)

And this final poignant tribute from Sv Honey, the Editor of Humor From the Edge, who opened the cyberdoor for me.

Dear Mark,

That was such a touching tribute to Rick and Humor From the Edge!! It made me want to cry for the past.....but also clap for the present. I imagine you could really keep HFTE alive by taking over the helm and reformatting, using your essays as base and supplementing them with choice humor and stories. I'd love to help in any way I can, just let me know! I'll start forwarding to you any funnies I think you might like or could use in your newsletters. Also, I'll start promoting distribution for your newsletter. I have a list of people that were on Rick's mailing list that you may want to add to your list if they aren't already on it...

Hugs, Shawna

Now here's a reader that likes her death sparked with a casual touch of sex; well something turned her on!

Just wanted you to know that this newsletter was one of the best ones that you have sent.................I'm not sayin' that the other ones weren't any good but this one just seemed a little more "Casual." I loved it and really enjoy being on your mailing list. Keep up the good work!!!!!!!!

Hugs, Diana (DLLFACE)

Now my writing style will change depending on whether I'm sharing an anecdote, doing a more conceptual piece or whether I'm into a poetic flight of fancy. Just call me a "Fickle Pickle." (Gorkin mean pickle in Russian ;-)

sheesh...the sex stuff really made me laugh...keep it coming (no pun intended)...i need all the sex, i mean all the laughs (all right maybe both) i can get...you are funny

debra Cabgnvlvrn

(Editor's Note: However, a friend/colleague of mine, President of her own company, emailed asking me to send the newsletter to her home as opposed to her office. In today's climate, she's cautious regarding sexual material in the workplace. Can you blame her? What's your position?)

And the final word to Sea of Stars on degree of functionality...

Mark, Mark, Mark.... <deep long slow sigh>..... how many times do I have to try to tell you that the VITAMINS are in the WHITE bottle.... And the VIAGRA is in the BROWN bottle.... Please turn on the lights in the morning before reaching for the bottles.... Obviously you're mixing them up again.....

Very cute, Barb. But, not to worry. This man has already demonstrated that his libido is stronger than Prozac.

Heaven or Hell

From Artemisd123@hotmail.com

One day while walking down the street a highly successful, executive woman was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. "Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though it seems we have a problem. You have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in. The woman tried to plead her case for a quick entry into heaven, but to no avail.

St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down- down-down to hell. The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends-fellow executives that she had worked with and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf and at night went to the country club where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing.

She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved good-bye as she got on the elevator. The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates. She found St. Peter waiting for her. It was time to spend a day in heaven.

So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

"So, you've spent a day in hell and you've spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity."

The woman paused for a second and then replied,"Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."

So, St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell. When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks. The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. "I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable." The Devil looked at her and smiled. "That's because yesterday we were recruiting you, but today you're staff."

Things To Say If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

From Ted Wilson, LM209@aol.com

15. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."

13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"

12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"

11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"

10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"

9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.

8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."

7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

6. "The coffee machine is broken...."

5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."

4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"

3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"

2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

AND THE #1 BEST THING TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:

1. "Amen"

Three Wishes

From Lilly10033

A male accountant, a female accountant, and their manager go out for lunch. On the way from the car to the restaurant they find a magic Lamp in the parking lot. They rub it and out pops a genie. "I can grant but three wishes and because there are three of you, each will receive one wish" he said. The male accountant went first. "I want to be inTahiti surrounded by beautiful women' he said. POOF!! He disappeared. The female accountant went next. "I want to be in Hawaii with a huge house tons of money, and surrounded by gorgeous men with athletic thighs' POOF!! She disappeared. The manager went last. He said, " I want them both back in the office after lunch.

Mark Gorkin, "The Stress Doc," Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a nationally recognized speaker, workshop leader and author on stress, reorganizational change, anger, team building, creativity and humor. He is also the internet's and the nation's leading "Psychohumorist." The Stress Doc is a columnist for the popular cyber-newsletter, Humor From The Edge . Mark is also the "Online Psychohumorist" for the major AOL mental health resource network, Online Psych and Financial Services Journal Online -- http://fsc.fsonline.com/fsj . And he is an offline writer for two mental health/substance abuse publications -- Treatment Today and Paradigm Magazine. His motto: Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire! Reach "The Doc" at (202) 232-8662, email: Stress Doc@aol.com, or check out his "Hot Site" website: http://www.stressdoc.com . (The site was selected as a USA Today Online "Hot Site" and designated a four-star, top-rated site by Mental Health Net.)

(c) Mark Gorkin 1998 Shrink Rap Productions