Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

Panic Attacks When Talking Directly To People
Type A Warrior

Q. I keep having panic attacks when I am in any store in a line usually & now at work when talking directly to people. I had my review at work & was told I need to speak up instead of holding things in, that I am over emotional but I cant talk eye to eye. It makes me have an attack. It was held against me in my review. HELP!!!!!!!!

A. You might want to try this link or call the Natl. Institute for Mental Health in Bethesda, MD for the names of some associations that specialize in anxiety disorders, panic attacks and phobias. Anxiety Disorders Education Program. Perhaps talk to a Human Resource professional about being covered by the American Disabilities Act. Does your workplace have an Employee Assistance Program to receive free consultation and/or counseling? Also, the counselor might help your supervisor better understand what you are experiencing. Some changes in your job description may be in order. Also, consider an evaluation for anxiety or antidepressant meds. And, regular aerobic exercise can help regulate an unstable mood. Finally, joining an anxiety, phobia or post-traumatic stress disorder support group would be helpful. So too is having a stress buddy at work, someone you could lean on in tense situations. To hard work, inner peace and safe stress.

Q. I have been a legal secretary for 20+ years. About 2 years ago, became the Sr. Partner Secretary. I enjoy my work. I have always been the secretary who could work for the meanest, toughest attorney at the firm. I have always been given "War Pay" to do so. Problem? Yes.... In 6 years I have NOT called in sick. I may go in sick and perhaps leave early (work permitting). Take vacation when he (boss) takes vacation and I'm still asked to take a computer (laptop) and phone in case I am needed. I am 42 now and pooped. But afraid I am stuck in this rut -- becoz I've spoiled him for so long. I need time to myself and cannot seem to find a way to do that. Cannot take much more!!!!!

A. I can relate to the need -- both admirable and somewhat neurotic -- to prove you can handle the meanest and the toughest...whether it's attorneys, therapy or organizational consulting clients, etc. In addition to the "War pay," it feeds the ego. We're special, a cut above. Alas, time and wear and tear usually catches up with the Type A Warrior-type. What we thrived on and was an exhilarating stretch in our 20s and 30s often feels burdensome and a strain in our 40s and 50s. Or, at minimum, we've "been there, done that" too many times. So first there's a critical mid life/mid-career adjustment: quality becomes more important than quantity. And if we are to prevent major burnout we must come to grips with our need to create better balance -- have a full life, not just a worklife.

Then we have to help the boss gradually adapt to the new "you." At first, he or she will likely throw a tantrum. But if you explain that unless the two of you negotiate a healthier, less destructively macho balance, he will invariably lose you through burnout and/or resignation. And you must convey this message with conviction. Remember, Working Warriors (even reformed ones) will always welcomed in an office setting and on the battlefield. Just...Practice Safe Stress!

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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