Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

1. Promotional Stress

2. Burnout and Hostile Classroom Environment

Q. I have just received a promotion to "acting" leasing manager with a 60 day trial period. This is stressing me out, everyone at work is happy for me and says I am perfect for the position, and it is what I want...I constantly feel like I am going to mess up! Like after the 60 days are they going to say forget it? I have been doing fine but I felt really stupid when I asked my property manager a question about a new project she gave me. She just re-explained it. Am I trying to act perfect or something? Am I trying too hard? I guess it's the 60 day trial period that is stressing me out. I don't know. A. First of all, it helps to know that positive change can sometimes be as stressful as negative events, especially if there's added responsiblility and not a sufficient increase in a sense of control. And when the change involves a promotion into manager, that is, becoming "an authority figure"...all kinds of old critical voices can get stirred up. Sometimes we fear becoming a judgmental figure of others, as former authorites - parents, teachers, past bosses, judged and sometimes demeaned us. Or, uncomfortable with anger or conflict, we want people to like us; we don't want to hurt other's feelings. Sometimes a promotion to management creates distance betwen you and former colleagues. You no longer are seen as a "peer." The final trap is believing that, with a promotion, you really have to know it all. )f course, there is scrutiny with a 60-day trial period. And the fear of being returned to employer as damaged goods. But if you can practice asking questions, soliciting ideas and feedback, especially from supervisees, and not coming across as if you have all the answers, you will likely build trust amongst all level of folks in the organization. So try to turn down the volume of the perfectionist voice, accept that there will be good days and not so great ones, and likely you will continue with your learning curve and will come out on top. And, of course...Practice Safe Stress!

Q. I'm a high school teacher and I'm sick and tired of being held responsible for the low scores of kids today. The only two words the students know are m...f...You would think it was the name of their best friend. I've never felt so beaten up. I'm wondering if I should resign? A. Sounds like third stage burnout rapidly approaching the "Failure, Helplessness and Crisis" phase: "damned if I do, damned if I don't; damned if I stay, damned if I leave." (I'll send you my "Four Stages of Burnout" article.) No doubt about it..the environment you describe is toxic. Before bailing out, some suggestions and questions: 1) See if the administration will bring in a group like the DC-based Institute of Mental Health initiatives. They sponsor anger amangement and conflict resolution for students. This might help you and the students get some control in the classroom. 2) Are other teachers experiencing the same dysfunctional environment? If so, teachers should be demanding classroom support from administration-from parent volunteers in the classroom to removing the truly and repetitively disruptive students. Clearly, these folks need more individual attention and guidance.

If there are other teachers who seem to be weathering the storm well, pick their brains. What enables them to create a more effective learning-social interaction setting? 3) Some jobs are not meant to last a long time. You won't be doing yourself or the students any good if you are overwhelmed by a burnout spiral. 4) If you feel your self-esteem, energy level has been diminshed, are drained emotionally and feeling agitated or depressed, consider some individual therapy. Plan your exit strategy; don't just drop out or tune out.

Mark Gorkin, LICSW, the Stress Doc, a psychotherapist and nationally recognized speaker, trainer, consultant and author, is also known as AOL's and the internet's "Online Psychohumorist" ™. Check out his USA Today Online "Hot Site" website - www.stressdoc.com  and his page on AOL/Online Psych, Keyword: Stress Doc

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