Ask the Stress Doc -- Q & A

Q: Dear Stress Doc: My supervisor at work is a racist. She is _____ and our unit is composed of mostly _____ women. She gives all of the special assignments to people of her own race. She hates us! What to do?

A: I'll assume you've attempted to speak with her and this has gone nowhere. Here are some other options:
1) Enlist a group of concerned folks to speak with her. Will any of your colleagues on "the other side" acknowledge there are fairness (if not racial) problems?
2) Share your concerns with her supervisor or with top management. Suggest the need for some conflict management and diversity training for all employees. By the way, I'm available. My motto -- "Have Stress? Will Travel: A Smart Mouth for Hire." If attempts to enlist management prove futile...
3) speak to an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Counselor. If your company has an EAP it means you are entitled to a small number of psychological counseling sessions as a company benefit.
4) If possible, report the situation to Human Resources or an EEO (Equal Employment and Opportunity) specialist.
5) Consider hiring a lawyer; a correspondence with a legal letterhead usually gets somebody's attention. And, if none of the above works (and even if it does),
6) Start updating your resume. It's not worth burning out over such a narrow-minded, "black vs. white" individual and system. Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!

Q: Please send your newsletter ASAP. I have passed Stage 4 and Prozac time and I'm ready to take a gun to the next stupid question a customer asks me. Help!!! Thank you.

A: When our writer says she's, "Passed Stage 4 and Prozac time," it means she or he has read my article, "The Four Stages of Burnout." (For a copy, email stressdoc@aol.com .) Now to the matter at hand. There are not enough bullets for stupid questions, so let's try other strategies:

1) make a pact with yourself; each customer is allowed one or two whoppers. After they have used up their quota, let them know they have elicited an error message in your brain and you need to shut down and reboot. Then say, just kidding. But no hostile tones allowed.

Hey, maybe you can persuade David Letterman to start doing "A Stupid Customer Question" feature. Sounds like you'd get your fifteen minutes of fame.
2) Sometimes people calling are angry or anxious; their startling comments or questions reflect their emotional state. Acknowledging the other's emotions may help them think or express more clearly. (Email for my article on "The Art of Listening.")
3) Ignorance is much less aversive than arrogance, that is, those folks who think they know it all. If the latter types are being rude or hostile, take a breath, then calmly and firmly set limits. Affirm that you wish to be helpful and that you wish to keep this discussion on a professional and respectful level.
4) Finally, for the truly incorrigible, there's the stellar words from French author, Andre Gide, in his book The Immoralist: "One must allow others to be right...It consoles them for not being anything else."

Just remember...Practice Safe Stress!